Tweets (9270)
-
-
@bdkinzie And here's a BRAND NEW T1i on Amazon for $500. That's not a bad deal at all. For reals. Get this. http://t.co/9VfOyaW0
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 12:42 PM
-
@bdkinzie Here's an example on the Portland Craigslist. Keep in mind, the UK models are called something different. http://t.co/Nl0qi3Le
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 12:36 PM
-
@bdkinzie I recommend a Canon Rebel. The current model (T3i) always sells for $800, but you can probably find a used T1i for $500 ish.
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 12:35 PM
-
Finished Book One of THE HUNGER GAMES. Solid. Now I just have to finish A Clash of Kings before Game of Thrones Season 2 gets started.
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 11:53 AM
-
I backed up a 120GB iPhoto Library to an external drive and then deleted it off my computer. Felt real good. Now, what about all the videos.
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 9:47 AM
-
@codesonic Yup. RVM'd to 1.9.3 and it worked great. It's nice actually getting to the bottom of something every once in a while.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 11:44 PM
-
@codesonic Weird, again, because I am definitely running 1.8.7 right now. Something fishy going on.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 11:40 PM
-
@codesonic Yep. That did the trick! Was I having issues because of Ruby 1.8.7 or something?
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 11:35 PM
-
@codesonic Check it out. What am I doing wrong? http://t.co/sHXVLJVf
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 11:26 PM
-
@codesonic I'm definitely including that bit with no extra spaces. It works fine like this "1.upto(5).each{|i|puts i}" but not with strings.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 11:24 PM
-
I guess considering how much I enjoyed "Keeping Up Appearances" & "Mrs. Palfrey at The Claremont," I shouldn't be too surprised. Old people!
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 11:18 PM
-
Somehow we have become fans of ROSEMARY & THYME, a British show about two older, female, gardening detectives. No joke. http://t.co/bsDNTcki
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 11:16 PM
-
Hello, Me. Are you in there? Making sure you're not dead. Smelled some rotting flesh.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 6:17 PM
-
@veganstraightedge I'm telling you. Read SEX AT DAWN. It is so good on so many levels, and it's not just about sex. Get on it.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 5:29 PM
-
@veganstraightedge Not necessarily. There are plenty of tribal people that commonly lived to be 80 years old.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 5:24 PM
-
At the bank, disputing a suspicious $265.55 electronic transfer from my account to a Chase account that I did not authorize. Hmmm.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 5:02 PM
-
I am SUCH a sucker for @badlipreading, especially the Rick Santorum variety. I was LOLing all over the place. http://t.co/30uw792d
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 4:10 PM
-
AMERICAN JUGGALO by Sean Dunne is a fantastic, short-form documentary on the culture of Juggalos in America. Powerful. http://t.co/vPNa0FP8
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 3:59 PM
-
@codesonic Hmmm. When I run that in irb I get "LocalJumpError: no block given". What am I doing wrong?
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 3:53 PM
-
@brke I'll be up on Sunday, for another week in Seattle, with my nice camera. Let's do a photo shoot. /cc @veganstraightedge @jlsuttles
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 1:42 PM
-
@akstrahan Yessss. I'm gonna see them on Saturday night. So pumped.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 1:39 PM
-
Gotta have the gumption.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 12:03 PM
-
@NowImworried that I drank too much water and I'll have to pee again in 5 minutes.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 10:34 AM
-
Man. If I had a nickle for every time I clogged a toilet.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 10:25 AM
-
Had a dream about Claussen Sandwich Slice Pickles: so crispy & crunchy & cold & salty. Mmm. Should buy this hat? http://t.co/zQ6bJGSu
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 10:21 AM
-
.@n8duke plays a lot of weird / awesome video games, but this has got to be one of the weirdest / awesomest. http://t.co/Y9tcVcOl
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 10:49 PM
-
After a super productive day, I rewarded myself with a $2 cone of Vegan Soft Serve from Back to Eden. It's dangerously delicious.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 6:58 PM
-
@LButtery And I'm a total sucker for them. It works.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 6:33 PM
-
@brke I thought I knew you.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 4:39 PM
-
Hey, Seattle! Today is IN THE BOWL's 5th Anniversary and you get 50% off everything. So you should probably go eat there now. /cc @brke
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 4:32 PM
-
I can't get over how PRECIOUS this little chameleon is. Seriously. I didn't know God could make something so small. http://t.co/STPr0kfj
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 4:31 PM
-
@veganstraightedge Antarctica! Zing! No, but seriously, I've been seeing it the past 2 years, obviously, but now it is really everywhere.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 3:58 PM
-
@brke You were a hipster WAY before that. No question. But my point is that "leggings & boots" has crossed over into the non-hipster realm.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 3:57 PM
-
Tights / leggings & boots is SO in right now. Kind of amazing how prolific it has become. Don't get me wrong, it's cute, but it's all I see!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 2:42 PM
-
@bdkinzie @mikeblessing I became a HUGE fan of the English Breakfast while in NZ & AU: beans, sautéd mushrooms, tomato, avocado on toast.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 2:00 PM
-
@bdkinzie I started with a whole range of little point & shoots, but about 6 years ago upgraded to a Canon Rebel XTi and now the T1i.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 1:57 PM
-
@bdkinzie Here's the archives. You can see the break down. Pretty crazy when you see it like that. http://t.co/tJFpCv35
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 1:25 PM
-
@bdkinzie But when you break it down it's only like 4,500 per year, 12 per day. Not outrageous. I've just been doing it for a long time. :)
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 1:24 PM
-
@bdkinzie For reals, my man! I actually have a little over 39,000 b/c there are some private photos. But yeah, quickly approaching 40,000.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 1:21 PM
-
I'm hesitant to say this b/c it doesn't feel possible, but I'm completely caught up on my @flickr photos (uploaded nearly 9000 since April).
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 12:03 PM
-
Man. If I had a nickel for every time I clogged a toilet.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 12:01 PM
-
Some people want to be a movie star, rock musician, sports champion, etc. My dream is simple: a Verified @Twitter Account. Check, please!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 10:10 AM
-
Hey Seattle! I'll be in you on Sunday afternoon, arriving by train, and will be attending the @BudosBand show at @neumos. You should come.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 11:06 PM
-
VIDEO: Happy Valentine's Day from Aiden & Lucas, the Mud Bath Brothers. You're gonna love this. Srsly. http://t.co/MfeYgYhd
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 10:32 PM
-
I had so much fun this afternoon playing in the mud with Aiden & Lucas. Sometimes I can't even believe how hilarious they are. Good times.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 7:12 PM
-
@hrrrthrrr That is a really good question! All those avos look so delicious, so, hopefully soon. I hope to make it down for @farmhouse conf.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 6:38 PM
-
@StephenAtHome Went to Ben & Jerry's on Hawthorne (in Portland, OR) with @n8duke and there was NO ONE there. You need to step up your game.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 6:06 PM
-
"You know what, Nate? Being a kid is actually pretty fun." - Aiden http://t.co/TwGzcCm5
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 6:02 PM
-
"I've got mud in my POCKETS!" - Lucas http://t.co/IH24KQTM
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 5:58 PM
-
Happy Valentine's Day from Aiden & Lucas (aka the Mud Bath Brothers) : http://t.co/ogN1Fx4D
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 5:34 PM
-
It really was a beautiful day up at Meadows this past Sunday. Warm & sunny, and we even found some powder! http://t.co/2Fvs4r43
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 2:10 PM
-
@plain_lo You might be into this. It's kind of spacey and stuff. You like space, right? http://t.co/SDBlPSps /cc @bookis
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 1:21 PM
-
I was pretty excited about the wireless audio possibilities with my new Airport Express, but it only really works well with iTunes. Hmmm.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 12:45 PM
-
Nothing quite like checking your Git Logs while journaling… What did I do last Wednesday? Oh, right, I cleaned up the code on the home page.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 11:26 AM
-
My friend @hrrrthrrr directed this music video: "Distracted" by Kristen May. Get into it. http://t.co/8k8w8zah
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 11:08 AM
-
@hrrrthrrr That was my bad… stupid Airfoil.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 11:07 AM
-
@hrrrthrrr I'm really into it, but there's a video / audio lag on my end. Are you seeing it too?
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 11:02 AM
-
So precious! The World’s Smallest Chameleon Fits on a Fingertip : http://t.co/V12fRzBr
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 10:39 AM
-
.@n8duke just showed me this. Not really sure what to think of it. The internet is so weird. http://t.co/JIfemHhr
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 10:31 AM
-
"Ride Of Passage" by the Animation Workshop is fantastic. Beautifully animated and hilarious. Get into it. http://t.co/ki71iGE8
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 10:10 AM
-
Never mind the meat - worry about eating enough plants : http://t.co/Qnms9mDo
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 9:55 AM
-
"Valentines day should be like the winter olympics, once every 4 years and nobody giving a shit." - @grunder http://t.co/hO9E72lJ
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 9:07 AM
-
Please watch "a story for tomorrow" right now. Such a beautiful video / story. Makes me want to travel again. http://t.co/pS0nCW69
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 9:02 AM
-
@veganstraightedge Oh. Nice. I was wondering if that was cool. Would that be a good option for a @listyourlist rebuild?
Monday, February 13, 2012 at 11:03 PM
-
@veganstraightedge What grid are you using?
Monday, February 13, 2012 at 11:01 PM
-
@veganstraightedge I did now. That's amazing. Where'd you learn tricks like that? I wanna know.
Monday, February 13, 2012 at 10:49 PM
-
Eating a sandwich, drinking coconut water, and watching @n8duke play Zelda: Link to the Past. "Bullshit! I hate this game more and more..."
Monday, February 13, 2012 at 9:16 PM
-
Wore my red sweatpants all day, including a trip to New Seasons at 8pm. Does this count as a "pants optional" day? I think so...
Monday, February 13, 2012 at 9:10 PM
-
The new @farmhouse website is looking pretty spiffy. You should probably have a look. http://t.co/qNS5zbfO
Monday, February 13, 2012 at 8:09 PM
-
Bluebird day at Mt Hood Meadows! Carin & I made tracks all over that beautiful mountain. Sunshine & apricot-infused bourbon for lunch!
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 7:00 PM
-
@BenPruce Solid. Had a stellar bluebird day at Mt Hood Meadows today. And, some Apricot-infused bourbon for lunch! So perfect. :)
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 6:55 PM
-
@_BillyMadison If your dog gets lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there & you find that fucking dog!
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 6:50 PM
-
@asgeirhoem That is a very good question… I need it because some floating divs aren't pulling the parent div down to below them.
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 6:23 PM
-
"You can either go through life WANTING to get pooped on or NOT wanting to get pooped on. You decide." - @lalavalse
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 1:14 AM
-
Hilarious night out on the town with @topfunky & @lalavalse at Blossoming Lotus and Beaker & Flask. We should do that again sometime soon.
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 1:02 AM
-
In case you were wondering, that last post was NOT by me. Paula thinks she's SO FUNNY. I agree! /cc @lalavalse @brke @andrewjfoster #poopin
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 1:01 AM
-
I'm #poopin and drunk.
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 12:05 AM
-
@n8duke We're like the same dude!
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 6:32 PM
-
@veganstraightedge They are SUPER slick and now I have one for all future traveling / wireless jams needs. AMAZING how easy it was to setup.
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 5:50 PM
-
Went out on a bit of a limb & bought an Airport Express (½ price on craigslist) exclusively for wireless jams in my room. Effortless setup.
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 5:43 PM
-
@asgeirhoem Loving your CSS Wrap Around Ribbon, but it doesn't work inside a element with "overflow:auto." Any idea how to get around that?
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 3:48 PM
-
Waiting for Sushi Ichiban to open... http://t.co/l26fiqG4
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 12:08 PM
-
This is @ChrisLaneConley (from Saves the Day) belting it out at Doug Fir last night. He's my favorite. :) http://t.co/ypo77XcH
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 12:08 PM
-
Caught a FREE ride from Seattle to Portland ystrdy in a School Bus! Quite a lot of fun. :D Here's the evidence. http://t.co/9XQyYFAk
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 11:21 AM
-
#wherestheband tour at Doug Fir. So excited to see @ChrisLaneConley rock out some wicked acoustic @savestheday jams! "Tonight will be..."
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 9:59 PM
-
Ya know... sometimes life ain't bad.
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 5:22 PM
-
"I can not change." - @brke
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 4:59 PM
-
This is Cody. He bought a School Bus this morning in Seattle and driving it to Portland, giving me a free ride! :D http://t.co/rImLqr1T
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 3:43 PM
-
Hitching a ride(share) back to Portland in a full-size Yellow School Bus. No joke. And I'm paying my way with photos. It's 2012. Get wild!
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 3:34 PM
-
@QueenBeeEllie Wow. So cool. Take more pictures, will ya?
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 12:09 PM
-
@ErikaOnFire Thanks! #westcoast <3's #eastcoast
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:59 AM
-
Trout Farm http://t.co/UtJfzQeR
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:45 AM
-
Cows and Palm Trees. http://t.co/k65jRi12
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:45 AM
-
@veganstraightedge I love it too, but I just recently switched my avatar. Got AT LEAST another 5 years before it's time to change again.
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:44 AM
-
@akstrahan Thank you, darling. :D Every once in a while I snap a good one.
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:44 AM
-
It's funny to think of a hummingbird licking her "lips." http://t.co/RoSEDMi3
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:41 AM
-
Ñ at the internet cafe in Minca, Colombia. Tilde! http://t.co/nPPLnOaU
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:40 AM
-
I'm such a sucker for clouds & sunsets. http://t.co/VbyCseds
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:39 AM
-
Sometimes it gets a little muddy at Tayrona National Park in Colombia. /cc @rubywhatever http://t.co/JbZoA6qf
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:38 AM
-
@grunder That's awesome. I love squashed pennies. They're one of the few things I collect. That, and In-flight Safety Manuals.
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:17 AM
-
I've had a great week in Seattle hanging with the @LunaSandals crew, and soon I'll go back to Portland to see @ChrisLaneConley at Doug Fir!
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:05 AM
-
@tjnelsonjr Unbelievable. And it's not just the fact that it was a bear growling at him, it was an amazing shot! Even in his last moments...
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 10:37 AM
-
@ChrisLaneConley This Is Not an Exit! And, if you could dedicate it to Robin, that would be great. :) #wherestheband /cc @rubywhatever
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 10:36 AM
-
I know there's a lot of competition out, but this MIGHT be the cutest picture of a kitten on the entire internet. http://t.co/4EjZh8Si
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 11:37 PM
-
SO PRECIOUS! Cute munchkin baby kitten talks too much : http://t.co/GxtWlKxP
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 10:56 PM
-
Modified Turntable Reads Tree-Rings as Music : http://t.co/dVla7kXC
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 10:54 PM
-
He drove to the State Trooper's house at 8am & knocked on the door. The trooper asked him if he knew how to drive & he said, "I drove here!"
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 10:48 PM
-
Dinner at the Merner / McKibben's tonight with @bookis. On the drive home Gramps told us the story of how he got his Driver License in 1936.
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 10:37 PM
-
@kehahn Yeah! Whenever a character said "Stark" I got to make someone else drink. I had to drink when character said a "non-courtly insult."
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 10:20 PM
-
I also saw @eliseworthy's Tan Tan Sleeping Bag. So hilarious & nerdy. The zipper pull is a plush lightsaber! http://t.co/4FNybHYD
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 5:12 PM
-
Game of Thrones drinking game at @eliseworthy's last night with @bookis and friends. Who knew they said "Stark" so many ding dang times?!
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 5:11 PM
-
@eliseworthy @peepcode I like the sound of that! :D Did you find anything exciting?
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 5:02 PM
-
"Hey, @brke, if we ate cream puffs, that [nasty] one would be yours." - Scott, at Than Brothers Pho http://t.co/JWGvcZj8
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 7:26 PM
-
There, Shane. Are you happy now? /cc @veganstraightedge http://t.co/LGWKvPDy
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 2:24 PM
-
Just found out that @jtimberlake's "I'm Lovin' It" was the inspiration for that stupid McDonalds ad campaign. So weird. http://t.co/cfNcY4Vt
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 10:55 AM
-
Hard to believe that November 5, 2012 is the 10 YEAR anniversary of @jtimberlake's JUSTIFIED. Still a real solid album. http://t.co/8Z6KmjbC
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 10:52 AM
-
@kehahn I became so ridiculously obsessed with that song and listened to it on repeat for at least a week. SUCH a good jam.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 10:46 AM
-
Seattle.rb Ruby Nerd Club! It's been YEARS since my last visit, but it feels great to be surrounded by my fellow nerds. Thanks, Ryan!
Tuesday, February 07, 2012 at 9:14 PM
-
Seattle Craigslist: Free, fairly uncomfortable, bunny-chewed couch with hide-a-bed. http://t.co/N7gMBqXp
Tuesday, February 07, 2012 at 7:22 PM
-
@ejipp That is hilarious. I like your parents.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012 at 7:21 PM
-
Urchin Jr just walked over and plopped down in the sunshine at my feet. Then she reached out and grabbed my toe with her paws. I melted.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012 at 10:47 AM
-
The Not-So Secret Life of an A-Cup : http://t.co/gINvTfrb I happen to LOVE small breasts, I don't care what anybody says. You go, Annie P!
Tuesday, February 07, 2012 at 10:23 AM
-
Wandering around the Salt Cathedral, in search of bathroom, we found this beautiful tree & made friends with an owl. http://t.co/EaqOi7xv
Tuesday, February 07, 2012 at 10:14 AM
-
It's twenty past midnight on a Tuesday, and I just registered "poopypants.net". Best 15 bucks I ever spent.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012 at 12:16 AM
-
.@bookis and I had dinner with Grandpa at the Exeter House. He told us about the Vanport City Flood of 1948. http://t.co/HMGDjfdv
Monday, February 06, 2012 at 9:08 PM
-
Antarctica in Colombia? That's weird. http://t.co/5AZyIoKz
Monday, February 06, 2012 at 4:56 PM
-
This little monkey was obsessed with my ear rings and my face. So precious. http://t.co/WRbTZrlH
Monday, February 06, 2012 at 9:09 AM
-
It's not everyday that two monkeys are cuddling with a cat in your lap. http://t.co/dbpSReh6
Monday, February 06, 2012 at 9:08 AM
-
Coconuts! Get it? I couldn't help myself. http://t.co/yH4Gp48U
Monday, February 06, 2012 at 9:05 AM
-
Baby Human and Baby Howler Monkey. http://t.co/7Z2IBekd
Monday, February 06, 2012 at 9:04 AM
-
Baby Caiman! Our guide snatched this little guy up out of the water with his bare hand. Blew my freaking mind. http://t.co/iU9JiYew
Monday, February 06, 2012 at 9:03 AM
-
Fried Plantains over an open fire for lunch. Delicious. http://t.co/RDl7rKB9
Monday, February 06, 2012 at 9:01 AM
-
Motorboat ride up the Amazon River. http://t.co/uVCqjhmF
Monday, February 06, 2012 at 9:01 AM
-
I still stand by @n8duke and my Tecmo Super Bowl prediction for tonight's game. That's what you call dedication. http://t.co/DaPJ1fdO
Sunday, February 05, 2012 at 4:44 PM
-
"I like to think that I started [pearl snaps]." - @brke
Sunday, February 05, 2012 at 4:13 PM
-
What a difference the sun makes.
Sunday, February 05, 2012 at 1:25 PM
-
This is why we can't have nice things.
Sunday, February 05, 2012 at 10:06 AM
-
.@n8duke and I predict the outcome of the Super Bowl every year with a game of Tecmo. This one's gonna be a doozie! http://t.co/DaPJ1fdO
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 10:30 PM
-
Jumped ourselves to exhaustion, then we went to Ian & Sasha's for a Miracle Fruit Party. Didn't work for Deanna b/c she had a bad attitude.
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 10:18 PM
-
My 1/2 30th Birthday Trampoline Party was fucking perfect. So many friends & so many jumps. I did a double front flip into the foam pit! :)
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 10:10 PM
-
Yesterday Aiden (9) and I got down on a pretty wicked D / A7 jam session, rocking the Ukulele and Guitar, respectively.
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 10:41 AM
-
This is Robin sandwiched between some Cheetos & Doritos in Colombia. Still not sure exactly what was going on there. http://t.co/lqmjNBGt
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 10:34 AM
-
In a few short hours we'll be getting our TRAMPOLINE ON like it ain't nobody's business. It's 2012. Get wild! http://t.co/2vOcggiK
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 10:26 AM
-
It's the day of show, y'all.
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 10:24 AM
-
@mcrashelle We'll be jumping in your honor… whatever that means. ;) /cc @bookis
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 10:19 AM
-
This is Bogota. Cities are insane. http://t.co/gcHnh5an
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 9:48 AM
-
This is probably the COOLEST Bug's Life graffiti you're ever gonna see, and it was on some's HOUSE in Bogota! Pixar! http://t.co/geKTeaTk
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 9:47 AM
-
This is my Dad and his cat, Bonita. He lives in Colombia. http://t.co/hhmR37Il
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 9:45 AM
-
On the way to the 1st Friday Potluck we stopped in the middle of the road for about 5 minutes to watch two raccoons in a stand-off. Intense!
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 12:38 AM
-
Nate brought Aiden & Lucas over today. We whipped up some home-made Bubble Tea and watched WITCHES. It's still a pretty freaky movie.
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 12:38 AM
-
@bookis I know. It seemed obvious after the fact, but at the time I had NO idea. Sometimes I'm just like that. /cc @veganstraightedge @brke
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 12:24 AM
-
@brke What the fuck!?! I'm disappointed in you. There's gonna be TRAMPOLINES EVERYWHERE!! What can POSSIBLY be more important than that?
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 12:20 AM
-
"What the HELL is that? Am I a BUNNY now?" - @n8duke, getting frustrated with Zelda: Link to the Past
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 5:49 PM
-
@plain_lo Hmmm. Curious. Ok, then just look it up yourself: The Big Roar by The Joy Formidable. They are sorta noisy / trance / rock ish.
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 5:27 PM
-
@plain_lo I have a feeling you're gonna love this album. Am I right or am I right? http://t.co/X2UIa3vP
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 2:41 PM
-
@brke I see what your saying, and I think that's a good approach. You're doing great. Don't beat yourself up over it. ;)
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 11:05 AM
-
There is NO difference between Sugar & High Fructose Corn Syrup. Your body treats them just like alcohol: as a poison. http://t.co/lWwVqOQL
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 9:13 AM
-
Oh, @jennyslate25! You are so cute & hilarious. Congratulations on all your success! There's no stopping you now. http://t.co/W85qRzio
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 8:47 AM
-
@veganstraightedge The long and the short of it is to avoid sugary drinks (soda or juice or what-have-you) at all cost. http://t.co/kIEnvKga
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 12:56 AM
-
Sugar: The Bitter Truth. It's long, but definitely worth a look. Basically, this guy says that sugar is a toxin. http://t.co/kIEnvKga
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 12:51 AM
-
Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on his smiling face a dream of spring.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 11:07 PM
-
Had a little party with friends & popcorn & apples with almond butter & whiskey & Groundhog Day, one of my all-time favorite movies. :D
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 11:07 PM
-
@akstrahan But have you seen ADAPTATION? It is simply amazing and he does a fantastic job. Honestly. I otherwise completely agree with you.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 10:57 PM
-
@brke I couldn't tell that was her! Come on!
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 7:42 PM
-
"Something 'Claypool'..." - Ingrid, asking our help while doing a crossword
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 7:35 PM
-
Ingrid home-made potato / leek soup & peach crisp the other night for dinner and @n8duke returned the favor tonight with frozen fish sticks.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 7:34 PM
-
"Let's talk about why you're not where you thought you'd be by now." - JW
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 5:35 PM
-
@veganstraightedge @bookis You looked at it, thought about it, and figured it out.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 5:34 PM
-
@veganstraightedge How'd you know? Turns out it was @bookis texting me from Elise's phone. You're good. You're real good.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 5:33 PM
-
Got a text from an unknown 206 number w/ this picture & the caption "120k gallons. I think we need to re-calculate." http://t.co/3cxTo1qC
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 5:24 PM
-
@BenPruce Oh, my goodness. I'm honored! I don't know what to say. I didn't prepare anything.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 12:34 PM
-
I love making a @SavesTheDay Daybreak Trilogy playlist and listening to it straight through. It's awesome how well they all fit together. :)
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 12:15 PM
-
Well here I am. Don't know how to say this. Only thing I know is awkward silence. http://t.co/DEvO2PSV
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 10:16 AM
-
American Psycho on the 48 - I just recently started following @ejipp, which jogged loose a funny memory. /cc @n8duke http://t.co/AuGOct2K
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 9:53 AM
-
Went to an awesome improve / experimental show at Revival Drum Shop last night featuring Luke Wyland (of AU) on accordion & electronics. :)
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 9:49 AM
-
"My three favorite foods are 1) Egg Nog, 2) Black Pepper, and 3) Wasabi." - Miranda May
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 10:19 PM
-
@ejipp At the time I remember doing a search for your email address which lead me to your MySpace profile which let the cat out of the bag.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 7:35 PM
-
@ejipp Remember that time back in 2006 when @n8duke got you to respond to a "Missed Connection" I posted on craigslist? That was hilarious.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 7:28 PM
-
@veganstraightedge You likey? http://t.co/rMpfA23l
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 7:27 PM
-
I totally want to start a band called The Ternary Operator.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 6:27 PM
-
@MikeStumpe What a sec… are you quoting Dennis Leary's NO CURE FOR CANCER?
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 6:07 PM
-
Oh no! I have a detached HEAD! Good thing I know how to reattach it. Phew.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 6:04 PM
-
@hrrrthrrr I know, right? It's like someone just sucked the air right out of it. http://t.co/xG3vIeq4
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 4:38 PM
-
.@hrrrthrrr Freaky. Reminds me of the time I found a deflated Mummy Cow on the side of the road in Colorado. Willies. http://t.co/d3WtPp1I
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 4:34 PM
-
A Swarm of Nano Quadrotors : http://t.co/FF76ISUx
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 10:45 AM
-
Watched RED STATE with @n8duke tonight. It was intense. Definitely the best movie Kevin Smith has ever made, by a LONG shot.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 11:44 PM
-
Ingrid made a delicious dinner tonight: homemade potato / leek soup and the BEST crisp (peach & nectarine) that I've EVER had. So good.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 9:42 PM
-
When did vegetarianism become passe? I was just talking about this with vegan peeps. Certainly an interesting topic. http://t.co/BgGUlYpf
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 5:19 PM
-
@veganstraightedge Wow. Congrats. Which show did you get?
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 5:12 PM
-
You've GOT to see @IMKristenBell's Sloth Meltdown. Honestly. Ellen plays a HILARIOUS prank on her at the end. So good. http://t.co/rg4dELjZ
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 9:49 AM
-
@IMKristenBell I really hope you've seen this sloth video before. "I believe I can fly!" Seriously. http://t.co/W3nglFiw
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 9:45 AM
-
FOODIES, the new episode of @srslytheshow, just went live. These girls are hilarious. Get into it. http://t.co/dawLJTBf
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 9:42 AM
-
@srslytheshow Absolutely LOVED it. I was gonna try to quote my favorite line here, but I'd ended up typing out the whole episode. Gold Star!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 9:40 AM
-
@IMKristenBell I cried at the end of Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 8:57 AM
-
Safari™ Pro Tip: You can UNDO closing a tab. So, the next time you accidentally close one you didn't mean to - ⌘Z.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 12:47 AM
-
Nerd Alert! Just got my first @github pull request from my homeboy @veganstraightedge. Sweet. Thanks, Shaners! https://t.co/BcY1XxBl
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 12:22 AM
-
Nerd Alert! My very first @github repo: Professor Poopypants Name Change-O-Ruby-Script 2000. It's 2012. Get Wild. https://t.co/35kzAhnY
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 11:58 PM
-
@veganstraightedge Hmmm. An Earth Sheep? That's something.
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 9:01 PM
-
Apparently I was born on a Thursday, and, if we consider Chinese Astrology / Zodiac, I'm a Water Dog. Who knew? http://t.co/hxA2dgxH
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 8:47 PM
Retweets (509)
-
Jenny Slate: I'm so busy that I have to take my morning calls in my gym clothes DURING breakfast. http://t.co/sOlYmcvb
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 7:13 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: It's later not today RT @_BillyMadison: Couch. C-O-R, uh, are you going to the mall today?
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 12:12 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Phone just autocorrected "kitty litter" to "Give love a chance, Lauren! Sign up for that dating site, go out & have some fun. U deserve it!"
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 4:46 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: I must put on pants for gym time. Why aren't there any pantless gyms?
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 5:35 PM
-
Sarah Beattie: if you're a bass player do you watch while everyone else in your band has sex or do you just listen from the hallway
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 2:21 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Parties are sooooo fun I bet.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 9:42 PM
-
Marcus: So Lauryn Hill is just walking around defecating on people's microphones? What a bitch.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 10:09 AM
-
Harris Wittels: Two hours left to masturbate on valentines day, y'all.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 10:09 PM
-
Jim Gaffigan: Dear Internet Friends,
Inspired by the brilliant Louis CK, I have decided to debut my all-new hour stand-up special … http://t.co/ovaZoowg
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 at 12:01 AM
-
Andy Ross: I made this Valentine's for all of you. http://t.co/yxtHkYM2
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 11:22 AM
-
Iangphillips: It just dawned on me that Elmo's World is just @ThisAmerLife for toddlers.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 10:58 AM
-
Srsly.: Happy Valentine's Day from us to you! A sexy man and two girls with a plan- our freshest episode. http://t.co/YniHXgmi Xoxoxoxo!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 3:34 PM
-
Noog: Today, candy hearts tell our lies for us.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 at 2:03 AM
-
Justin Halpern: Guy in an Camaro and a tank a top just sped around me and gave me the finger. You're a lazy screenwriter, God.
Monday, February 13, 2012 at 7:51 AM
-
Andrew Wk: PARTY TIP: Hugs are more party than handshakes.
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 8:09 PM
-
Billy Madison: Touch her boob? that's assault brother.
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 6:39 PM
-
Laura Buttery: Must I waste half my life working out to be sexy? All I want is to spend zero time working out & be sexy forever. Asking too much?
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 7:48 AM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: If a guy doesn't like you, kill yourself!
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 2:01 AM
-
Sarah Beattie: guys there are people who will bring food to the place where your tv is why is there even an outside
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 2:09 PM
-
Tom Coates: The best thing about not working at Yahoo is that you get to write Yahoo without a fucking exclamation mark after it.
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 12:04 PM
-
The Canada Party: If altar boys could get pregnant, you can bet the Catholic Church wouldn't be fighting Obama on the birth control requirement.
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 10:09 AM
-
Mark Rennie: I'm dead inside if a re-tweet from someone I admire makes me happier than a hug from a good friend, right?
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 3:47 PM
-
Erika Anderson: Portlandia edition #FF: @eliduke @danblaker @ifcportlandia #eastcoast <3's #westcoast
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 2:53 PM
-
Tj Nelson: Michio Hoshino known for his wildlife photography was mauled to death by a brown bear. This was the last photo he took. http://t.co/dQTN5THh
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 9:11 AM
-
Billy Madison: He called the shit "poop"!
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 11:08 AM
-
Ashley Strahan: I scream. You scream. We're all screaming. This is awesome.
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 8:27 AM
-
Erika Anderson: Dreamed I was showing off my rockin biceps. Next step: rockin biceps.
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 7:17 AM
-
Shane Becker: Get excited about things that are awesome. Get wild.
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 6:52 PM
-
Elise Worthy: Team @peepcode current status: stalking @eliduke
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 3:39 PM
-
Mark Rennie: I'm honestly at the point now where I don't give a shit whether Han shot first or not.
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 2:22 PM
-
The Onion: Iran Worried U.S. Might Be Building 8,500th Nuclear Weapon http://t.co/XDZLPk4f
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 4:35 PM
-
Bravotv: 'WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER' SEQUEL IS A GO WITH THE WHOLE CAST, says @mshowalter. #freakingout #WWHL
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 11:22 PM
-
Women's Humor: Are emo kids allowed to buy happy meals?
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 6:05 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: Today's Hero: Airport security guard who just swabbed my hands for explosives, nodded at me and said, "You're clean."
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 10:49 AM
-
Chris Gore: Based on this Star Wars Episode 1 thing, I'm pretty sure we could not only fake a moon landing now, we could do it in 3D.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 8:31 AM
-
Elliot Pestian: @_BillyMadison what about you side burns ?? You want some of that milk ?
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 10:01 AM
-
Billy Madison: Now You're All in Big, Big Trouble. http://t.co/QrAHltLh
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 10:55 AM
-
Barefoot Ted: Working with Bollywood actor Milind Soman to promote the Barefoot Runners of India Foundation's upcoming events! http://t.co/FdIIpb9M
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 6:58 AM
-
Red Herring Bear: I must've waxed myself about a brazilian times.
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 10:16 PM
-
Jrak: That sign that says "water on road during rain" is super helpful.
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 6:25 AM
-
Laura Buttery: Sometimes a color CAN be a flavor. Red cream soda is delish, but it doesn't taste like any red fruit. Tastes like red+cream soda.
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 5:21 AM
-
Billy Madison: Uh, Dad, do we have to discuss this with Captain Dipshit here?
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 7:34 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: You're in my world now grandma.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 5:20 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: Spotify is great because it lets me know my friends listen to horrible music.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 2:40 PM
-
Mark Rennie: No one has ever said an experimental art film was too short.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 11:29 AM
-
Justin Halpern: At Banana Republic, drinking a Jamba Juice, and having a conversation about Mad Men. If you're plan to out-white-guy me today, good luck.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 10:22 AM
-
Hrrrthrrr: How do you organize a space party? You planet.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 9:27 AM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: My body is a temple. An old, abandoned temple. With nipples.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 6:03 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: Spotify wants me to listen to their V-day playlist & judging from what I heard on their ad it sounds just as terrible as valentines day
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 1:43 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: If you get dumped, remind him if he ever changes his mind, you'll be RIGHT there.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 10:36 AM
-
Jrak: That moment when you hear a recording of your own voice and wonder how you have any friends.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 6:53 AM
-
Lo: just deposited two checks i signed with a black eyeliner pencil.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 6:18 PM
-
Sarah Beattie: breast feeding is when I show truckers my tits in exchange for hamburgers
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 5:23 PM
-
Sarah Beattie: breast feeding is when I show truckers my tits in exchange for hamburgers
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 5:23 PM
-
Grist: Meat-loving hipsters are hot right now, but here's why vegetarians should stand their ground: http://t.co/Xt0oiaHi
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 3:24 PM
-
Bookis: Just thought of a new New Years resolution, swear more in 2012. I'll start by saying this: Mother fucking ants on a mother fucking log.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 10:12 AM
-
Srsly.: Here it is again, our fab new episode, Foodies! Check it out and tell me you love me. http://t.co/RxrBNI4z
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 5:02 PM
-
N8duke: Frumunda Mabalz is the new Haywood Jablomey
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 11:13 PM
-
Michael Ian Black: My wife contracted a bad cold in order to get me to fill the bird feeder for her.
Sunday, January 29, 2012 at 3:31 PM
-
Bookis: I just painted a wall in my room without getting paint on anything that I didn't want paint on. Becoming a grown up!
Saturday, January 28, 2012 at 2:02 PM
-
Cory Doctorow: Jon Stewart on Gingrich's moon colony: "He wants to leave the Earth for a younger planet"
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 6:54 PM
-
Ricky Gervais: OK, last time. We didn't evolve FROM apes, but WITH them. We have shared ancestors like cousins share grandparents.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 1:45 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: NBC did not order my show. Will be performing it with my children in a Costco parking lot near you, 8pm every Thursday night this Fall.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012 at 7:42 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: If your neighbor stops by, tell him "Storks are dorks. Let's do this the old fashion way" to see if he's ready to be a daddy.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012 at 11:51 AM
-
Jrak: Did I catch a niner in there? #tommyboy
Sunday, January 22, 2012 at 7:37 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: It should be mandatory for dogs with human-sized genitals to wear underpants.
Sunday, January 22, 2012 at 12:03 AM
-
Ashley Strahan: My mom just called me a honey badger.
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 7:35 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Tampons are my boyfriend.
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 5:20 PM
-
Harris Wittels: How come girl facial cleansers smell like flowers and melons, but boy facial cleansers smell like science? We like nice scents too, y'all!
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 3:42 PM
-
Barefoot Ted: @LunaSandals meets with the Vibram folk to talk about our future relationship. Sweet! http://t.co/mSnxFB5a
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 1:19 PM
-
Justin Halpern: There's nothing less fun than someone asking you if you're having it.
Friday, January 20, 2012 at 2:27 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: If I was Sabrina the teenage witch...I would totally whip up a spell for some gloves right now.
Friday, January 20, 2012 at 7:38 AM
-
Ben Morin: My friends and I got together here in Antarctica and made a movie: http://t.co/e15cYJsw
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 11:48 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: According to Steve I've eaten 136 pizza rolls in one year three months and six days and I'm about to eat some more.
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 6:22 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: "I don't like the taste of water." -First World Problem
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 1:14 PM
-
Hrrrthrrr: As my emergency contact I want you to pull the plug if I'm ever brain dead. Then donate my organs and befriend whoever gets my heart.
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 10:43 AM
-
Stephen Colbert: Come to my rally on Fri @ 1pm @ the Cistern at College of Charleston and show your support for Herman Cain for me.
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 12:02 PM
-
Shane Becker: It's amazing how much less I spend on groceries when I don't get a metric grip ton of juice and chocolate almond milk.
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 8:44 AM
-
Shane Becker: The other day @n8duke and @isadance called me because asking me was faster than googling for Fall Out Boy lyrics. I'm good with that.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 10:14 PM
-
Lo: if there's anything nicer than an overwarm bath and a discussion about the nature of discourse via wifi- well ill just eat my donut hat.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 9:00 PM
-
Leslie Bailey: She should have known it was nothing that her pajamas, cats, and a glass of wine couldn't fix.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 3:48 PM
-
Jonathan Howard: If only people had hated #NDAA as much as #SOPA. Apparently indefinite detention without trial isn't nearly as bad as losing Youtube.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 4:05 PM
-
Mark Rennie: "Sucker Punch" is "Inception" for chronic masturbators.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 11:12 PM
-
Brooke Graham: Recording studio in the attic. Me and Scott plus one. We are so gonna start a hardcore band.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 7:48 PM
-
Shane Becker: Justin Bieber's "Baby" performed by groom and groom's dudes at a wedding reception : http://t.co/fakbVEws /via @house @broccolini
Sunday, January 15, 2012 at 1:21 PM
-
Josh : Avatar 2 release date has been pushed back 2 years from 2014 to 2016? Pandora will be real by then & it will be like watching a soap
Thursday, January 12, 2012 at 4:47 PM
-
Gully: If drugs are illegal for athletes, photo shop should be illegal for models
Wednesday, January 11, 2012 at 5:02 PM
-
Courtney Guertin: Crocs did it again. Most beautiful shoe ever. http://t.co/yHP8J3S8
Tuesday, January 10, 2012 at 5:46 PM
-
Missy Moser: Him: I noticed in your profile we have something in common. Me: What? Him: Fucking magnets, how do they work? Me: oh wow. Him: miracles.
Saturday, January 07, 2012 at 6:02 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I just don't want to marry anyone who was ever associated with "ultimate frisbee."
Saturday, January 07, 2012 at 2:25 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: Overheard a hipster say his infant son's name was "Yoshi" so I lit his beard on fire.
Saturday, January 07, 2012 at 3:25 PM
-
Laura Buttery: It would be so fucking awesome if I could never hear the phrase, 'I'm not here to make friends' again in my life.
Saturday, January 07, 2012 at 2:21 AM
-
Doug Benson: Gay sex will exist forever, abortions will continue to happen, people will always smoke weed. Know what is going away, though? OLD PEOPLE
Friday, January 06, 2012 at 7:16 PM
-
Lo: crushed out on our moon tonite. amazing to think if earth were size of classroom globe, moon would be a mile away. and we've been there!
Friday, January 06, 2012 at 7:12 PM
-
Glen Maddern: This is a pretty incredible photo (Surfer magazine photo of the year) http://t.co/GrzuJOWy /ht @undrewb
Saturday, January 07, 2012 at 1:55 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I get it! The guy I'm dating & the guy I'm sleeping with are supposed to be the SAME person! Or brothers.
Thursday, January 05, 2012 at 5:33 PM
-
Shane Becker: Nebraska. Nebraska Jones.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 3:22 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: Cain, Perry, Bachmann all claimed God told them to run for President, and all are out of the race. God is hilarious.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 10:45 AM
-
Brooke Graham: Whenever a Duke favorites/retwoots my tweets I feel like I scored some serious nerd points, of the geek variety. FTW! Cc @eliduke @n8duke
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 9:35 AM
-
Ashley Strahan: I'm calling a lot of people Bozo now. It's like my new thing.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 8:55 AM
-
Bookis: "Don't worry kitty, we're gonna watch a show, you can come cuddle with us" -@eliduke talking to cat while we're winding down for the night
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 1:42 AM
-
Brooke Graham: I loved me some Captain Planet, it was like "Hippy X-Men"
Tuesday, January 03, 2012 at 10:01 PM
-
Clayton Cubitt: More people are having mind-blowing anal sex in NYC at any given time than voted in the Iowa Republican caucuses today.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 12:49 AM
-
Scotched Rinker: I'm really good at making someone fall in love with me and then slowly destroying that love, if anyone needs marriage advice.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012 at 1:49 PM
-
Mandy Slamberg: my sweatiest post-exercise crotch still smells infinitely better than your freshly-washed balls.
Monday, January 02, 2012 at 6:00 PM
-
Jasmine Lewis: Do you ever eat lasagna, then weigh yourself to cry and just feel things.
Monday, January 02, 2012 at 6:24 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Is intercourse the one where he holds me?
Sunday, January 01, 2012 at 3:07 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: It doesn't count as the "walk of shame" if you're carrying a cat.
Sunday, January 01, 2012 at 12:16 PM
-
Bookis: If i disappear or get eaten by cannibals today, please know @eliduke is ultimately at fault.
Saturday, December 31, 2011 at 4:27 PM
-
Low Times : What time is Anal Cunt playing Time Square tonight?
Saturday, December 31, 2011 at 1:17 PM
-
Geoffrey Grosenbach: Many adults have forgotten the joy of dumping bags and boxes of things out onto the floor. Try legos, chips, or a 10 pound bag of flour.
Thursday, December 29, 2011 at 5:40 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Guys are so sensitive about their teeny tiny wieners!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011 at 5:10 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Anybody have a dog & a baby & a stroller & a wheelchair I could borrow? I need to go to the mall and just stand there.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011 at 2:32 PM
-
Professor Snape: Sex and the City is trending. Wouldn't you rather be watching this...? http://t.co/X9M8kMXL
Wednesday, December 28, 2011 at 6:39 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: Sore throat, whyyyyyy!!!! I shake my fist at thee!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011 at 10:12 AM
-
Brooke Graham: @bookis just rub @eliduke's thighs and pretend he's a fish. It's pretty much the same thing.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011 at 10:38 PM
-
Bookis: @brke I've already cried 3 times since you left.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011 at 10:09 PM
-
Brooke Graham: I miss the teasing already ;( and the body slams. Cc/ @eliduke @veganstraightedge @bookis
Tuesday, December 27, 2011 at 9:09 PM
-
Jrak: I roll my eyes at 90% of statuses on Facebook.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011 at 6:01 AM
-
Jon Daly: Does Tilda Swinton live in a house or does she just walk slowly into the ocean in a bridal gown in between movies?
Monday, December 26, 2011 at 7:53 PM
-
Brooke Graham: It's my last sunset in Hawaii. Better make it good, God.
Monday, December 26, 2011 at 6:52 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Do my tears make me look sad?
Sunday, December 25, 2011 at 11:00 PM
-
Lo: the sexual tension between link/zelda is, frankly, really distracting and endlessly awkward turtle. #skywardsword
Sunday, December 25, 2011 at 10:37 PM
-
Boss L: So sick of people posting pictures of their babies. Bro, that shit is soft. Fuck that.
Sunday, December 25, 2011 at 8:06 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Santa lost me at "Better not cry."
Saturday, December 24, 2011 at 9:45 AM
-
Harold Giménez: "I really love the new discover tab" - nobody
Saturday, December 24, 2011 at 11:38 AM
-
Bookis: Dear Pacific Northwest, @eliduke and I are getting Vitamin D up the wazoo. Literally! http://t.co/paYlEaFr
Saturday, December 24, 2011 at 12:10 AM
-
Shane Becker: Gecko on the window. @ Love Hodel's Vacation Rental http://t.co/MeFlYi3k
Friday, December 23, 2011 at 10:26 PM
-
Justin Halpern: There's no lonelier feeling than when I'm flying and I've reached the end of the in-flight mag and I'm just staring at map of flight routes.
Friday, December 23, 2011 at 9:06 AM
-
N8duke: Christmas has come early this year. http://t.co/4V1bSDSQ #goblinbones #christmas #rocknroll
Thursday, December 22, 2011 at 9:31 PM
-
Lo: black holes seem like real jerks.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 at 10:24 PM
-
Hrrrthrrr: This just makes me happy. http://t.co/uoEI8Tvs
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 at 7:49 PM
-
Hrrrthrrr: Put a beard on it.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 at 7:07 PM
-
Lo: 'you make me forget to check my RSS feed' #newsweetnothings
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 at 5:11 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I love my friends, but I'd like to spend more time with someone who has a penis attached to his body that he will insert in me.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 at 1:44 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: All ready for the $acred Je$u$ holiday$?
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 at 1:33 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: Everyone on Bob And Tom just all agreed they love Comic Sans - what the hell is wrong with these people.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 at 7:40 AM
-
Laura Silverman: This is the time of year when, instead of picking up my dog's poo, I just yell, "Merry Christmas!" #fb
Tuesday, December 20, 2011 at 4:31 PM
-
Shane Becker: It only took 3 weeks of us being together for @eliduke to start wearing @brke's c @ Love Hodel's Vacation Rental http://t.co/c5qvjEDO
Tuesday, December 20, 2011 at 11:30 AM
-
Harris Wittels: Sometimes, to turn my TV on or off as I enter or leave the room, I'll go behind the back with the remote. How do YOU guys exhibit flavor?
Monday, December 19, 2011 at 10:43 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: I wish that Michael Caine was my grandpa.. I think about it all the time.
Monday, December 19, 2011 at 6:10 PM
-
Laura Buttery: Tp mullet http://t.co/4q40Qyja
Sunday, December 18, 2011 at 10:54 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Crying is like laughing but wetter. What's happiness?
Friday, December 16, 2011 at 8:55 PM
-
Lo: my friday night? oh im probably gonna drink whiskey and do a workout video.
Friday, December 16, 2011 at 2:02 PM
-
Shane Becker: OH: "When we do our final #100pushups test, we should all get naked." — @eliduke
Wednesday, December 14, 2011 at 9:12 PM
-
Harris Wittels: Brunner. Brunch and dinner. Steak and pancakes. Stancakes: it's what's for brunner.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011 at 4:35 PM
-
Lo: woman wearing xmas sweater & velvet maroon scrunchie the size of dinner plate just had a sweary elevator meltdown bc it made too many stops
Tuesday, December 13, 2011 at 1:24 PM
-
Cord: "Man, when dudes like that call you gay, it just means that girls like you and you dress real nice." --Jesse Lee, drummer and sage
Monday, December 12, 2011 at 5:36 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Kittens are like tiny cats.
Sunday, December 11, 2011 at 10:22 PM
-
Laura Buttery: God damn it. I bit my FUCKING tongue.
Monday, December 12, 2011 at 1:21 AM
-
Lady: They say crazy girls have the best sex. What yall think?
Monday, December 12, 2011 at 1:03 AM
-
Shane Becker: So... @eliduke is naked and @bookis has a camera. Nuff said. http://t.co/NIXIM2rr
Sunday, December 11, 2011 at 9:01 PM
-
Shane Becker: Need someone to hold you floor up? @bookis is your man. http://t.co/LEOaesIt
Sunday, December 11, 2011 at 8:47 PM
-
Shane Becker: Butt-sliding with @eliduke. @ Consolidated Theatres Ward 16 http://t.co/kSFIfdIa
Sunday, December 11, 2011 at 6:40 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I peed my pants. A lot. About an hour ago.
Sunday, December 11, 2011 at 6:24 PM
-
Bookis: Hey seattle, I am very tan, deal with it.
Saturday, December 10, 2011 at 8:14 PM
-
Shane Becker: Brace yourself for this shot of @eliduke at the beach. It's a bit OW OW! @ Waikiki Beach http://t.co/vEIaLi9W
Saturday, December 10, 2011 at 7:00 PM
-
Shane Becker: Turns out, @eliduke is not very good with plastic forks. m/ @ Down To Earth http://t.co/W52T3OqT
Saturday, December 10, 2011 at 6:54 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Websites never remember me :(
Friday, December 09, 2011 at 10:22 PM
-
Shane Becker: #100pushups with @brke, @eliduke and @bookis. http://t.co/rmnCBuOt
Friday, December 09, 2011 at 9:27 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: It's very telling that no matter how much you love someone, you always love them more when you see them asleep.
Friday, December 09, 2011 at 10:23 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Here's my two cents: More kittens.
Friday, December 09, 2011 at 5:55 PM
-
Hrrrthrrr: Why did I think it was a good idea to make homemade cinnamon rolls tonight? There's like 3 hours of dough rising that I've had to wait for.
Friday, December 09, 2011 at 1:07 AM
-
Shane Becker: At "the point" near Callie and Tony's Firehouse, that's @eliduke. http://t.co/XTsXYod7
Thursday, December 08, 2011 at 9:07 PM
-
Jenn King: Still using AIM or MySpace is the computer equivalent of wearing Wrangler jean shorts, man sandals, and transition lenses. #behindonthetimes
Thursday, December 08, 2011 at 11:02 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: Do angels eat human hair pasta?
Thursday, December 08, 2011 at 9:05 AM
-
Shane Becker: @bookis : "Where's your yellow bag?" @eliduke : "What yellow bag?" BKS : "Your yellow bag." ELI : "It's yellow?" @eliduke is color blind.
Wednesday, December 07, 2011 at 11:29 PM
-
Shane Becker: 100 pushup program at a hostel. NBD. @ Holoholo In http://t.co/d8ZnObMP
Wednesday, December 07, 2011 at 11:10 PM
-
Shane Becker: That @eliduke is always trying to make us look at his poop. http://t.co/2pJPP2f8
Wednesday, December 07, 2011 at 10:57 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: Hey people who 'don't own a TV', we know you're watching it on the internet.
Wednesday, December 07, 2011 at 9:59 PM
-
Shane Becker: This is Skrillex, I mean @eliduke. @ southern most point in the United Statea http://t.co/YyWORqLF
Wednesday, December 07, 2011 at 3:03 PM
-
Inspirational Quotes: One day, you'll be just a memory for some people. Do your best to be a good one.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011 at 11:49 PM
-
Lady: Hating doesn't pay the bills.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011 at 6:00 PM
-
Lady: People will post anything to get a retweet now-a-days.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011 at 2:12 PM
-
Bbc Radio 2 Factoids: 1000 earths would fit inside Jupiter and the sun could hold 1000 Jupiter’s
Tuesday, December 06, 2011 at 4:42 PM
-
Shane Becker: Our view right now. Endless summer. @ John Bender's Mom's http://t.co/cx9KQ8VJ
Monday, December 05, 2011 at 7:09 PM
-
Shane Becker: First, @eliduke made us look at his poop. Now, @bookis made us eat sand. Hashtag endless summer.
Monday, December 05, 2011 at 3:22 PM
-
Shane Becker: Staying hungry. Staying foolish. With @bookis, @brke and @eliduke @ Kekaha Kai State Park http://t.co/5Dgw7Lbd
Monday, December 05, 2011 at 2:02 PM
-
Hrrrthrrr: I like your face.
Sunday, December 04, 2011 at 11:39 PM
-
Shane Becker: Sweet sweet wave on rock action. @ Cape Kumukahi Light http://t.co/ml0zhdj4
Sunday, December 04, 2011 at 1:01 PM
-
Shane Becker: This is @eliduke. http://t.co/05hzlzws
Saturday, December 03, 2011 at 7:35 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Writing love letters to my cat, in my heart. Always.
Friday, December 02, 2011 at 8:23 PM
-
Jrak: "wats up i like chillin wit my friends n i like rap rock country an punk music so leave a comment" -everyones 'about me' on myspace in 2007
Friday, December 02, 2011 at 6:47 AM
-
Justin Halpern: Hey, right as your about to put raisins in to your oatmeal cookie dough, maybe you put chocolate chips in instead. Thanks.
Thursday, December 01, 2011 at 10:30 AM
-
Harris Wittels: New York Texas? Whatchoo talkin bout, toast? http://t.co/RVJ4kDop
Tuesday, November 29, 2011 at 6:35 PM
-
Shane Becker: Snowball Monkey! http://t.co/K2r89kgw
Tuesday, November 29, 2011 at 5:58 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: Empathy to the Mom whose son found "a plastic greasy penis" in her bed and told my kids' entire Jr. High School.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011 at 4:21 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: Women are more self-conscious than men about how they look because we put makeup on our faces and walk around all day like a bunch of liars.
Monday, November 28, 2011 at 11:04 AM
-
Mike Shea Ap: Odd that we're punishing the people that are protesting the bad economy instead of punishing the people that caused the bad economy
Monday, November 28, 2011 at 7:40 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: Son's birthday party is insane, hard to believe that just a few years ago they were all orgasms.
Sunday, November 27, 2011 at 12:40 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: The only person you have control over is yourself, or your ex if he's tied up & you're trying to EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO HIM, DANIEL.
Sunday, November 27, 2011 at 9:20 AM
-
Laura Buttery: My dog is super cutely resting her sleepy little head on my tibia. I am not at all comfortable, but if I move, it's all over.
Sunday, November 27, 2011 at 7:06 AM
-
Laura Buttery: How tits would it be to be a study hall 'teacher'?
Sunday, November 27, 2011 at 6:58 AM
-
Justin Halpern: I hope someday to see a PSA that starts "I have 99 problems, and one of them is childhood obesity. Hi, I'm recording artist Jay-Z..."
Friday, November 25, 2011 at 6:33 PM
-
Justin Halpern: "You may pack your speculum and go. You are not America's Top Colonoscopist." - Taylor Lautner, in the year 2025 on Bravo 7.
Friday, November 25, 2011 at 5:06 PM
-
Glenn Greenwald: I give thanks that the FBI disrupted many, many Terrorist plots this year that were conceived, directed & funded by the FBI
Thursday, November 24, 2011 at 2:09 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Family's a coming. Better hide all my used condoms so they don't steal them all again, DAD.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011 at 10:03 AM
-
Monroe Monroe: My children will be raised right. They will watch the original Star Wars and the others will be kept secret from them.
Saturday, November 19, 2011 at 9:21 PM
-
Daniel Pinchbeck: The point of the intentional, organized, unconscionable police brutality against the Occupiers is to terrorize the public into inaction.
Saturday, November 19, 2011 at 6:32 PM
-
Elon James White: "Oh? The NYPD are treating you badly? Violent for no reason? Weird." - Black People
Thursday, November 17, 2011 at 1:53 PM
Favorites (834)
-
Billy Madison: I disagree, it's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 4:29 PM
-
Jenny Slate: PS: that last tweet was preceeded by me asking @gabeliedman "Can u take a pic of me talking on my banana? I have a tweet."
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 7:15 PM
-
Jenny Slate: I'm so busy that I have to take my morning calls in my gym clothes DURING breakfast. http://t.co/sOlYmcvb
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 7:13 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: My landlady doesn't know I have a cat, but my CAT doesn't know I have a LANDLADY, so...
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 7:54 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: Remember when you lived in a country where a pizza magnate was running for President?
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 9:59 AM
-
Tim Siedell: Nothing says "I'm carrying $3 and a Guitar Center receipt" like a wallet chain.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 9:27 AM
-
Bookis: I'm in miami bitch.
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 7:10 AM
-
Billy Madison: Take it easy, psycho! You blew it, you lose...
Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 10:02 AM
-
Mike Stumpe: Anybody up for an LLcoolJ "lip liking drinking game". #chapstick
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 9:32 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: I guess I will just watch Punch Drunk Love instead.
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 8:04 PM
-
Ben Pruce: 2pm and I'm burned hard. All this gnarly pow pow is going straight to my dome fer realzz
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 3:59 PM
-
Mike Stumpe: Ah shit "backdraft" just started. Here comes a roller coaster of emotions and my next 2 hours ruined
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 1:10 PM
-
Mcrashelle: It feels good to crush.
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 11:28 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: Went to the chelsea market for thai food, ended up checking out a makeshift alligator swamp. #nojoke
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 1:23 PM
-
Ben Pruce: Say what u want but I know what the "kids" are into and it fucking blows. Trust me. Ur shits weak
Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 1:27 AM
-
Brooke Graham: @eliduke Sometimes, Life is just plain ole HARD.
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 5:23 PM
-
Brooke Graham: Don't worry boys I got a good @brke quote too.
"Really I like boys because they have penises."
cc/ @eliduke @veganstraightedge
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 5:08 PM
-
Eli Duke: "I can not change." - @brke
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 2:59 PM
-
Shane Becker: OH: "I can barely handle me." — @brke
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 4:52 PM
-
Leigh Marcum: everyone please take a hot sec and cross your fingers for me. just do it damn it.
Friday, February 10, 2012 at 5:44 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: Cat calls from a garbage truck. Just what i need at 10:30pm. #brooklyn
Thursday, February 09, 2012 at 7:33 PM
-
Justin: "Valentine's day is bullshit. Our DNA demands we fuck each other, so if you need a holiday to talk your wife into screwing you, it's over."
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 9:40 AM
-
Erika Anderson: Dear future: can we plan on a twenty-year overnight success story?
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 10:46 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Cant stop listening to this: http://t.co/62CFPjvl (The Roots & Joanna Newsom)
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 10:25 AM
-
Now I'm Worried: Now I’m worried that all my sugar packets fell out of my pockets at the bus stop and some diabetic birds will eat them and die.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 5:44 AM
-
Toodle Pip: "I'm glad I read all those people's comments on the Internet." - No one on their deathbed.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 at 9:19 AM
-
N8duke: @eliduke & I played a game of Tecmo Super Bowl to predict this year's #SuperBowl results. #Giants 42, #Patriots 0. You heard it here first.
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 5:29 PM
-
Brooke Graham: Fine Portland, you win. Trampolines are more important. But if I vomit it's going in @eliduke's lap.
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 9:03 AM
-
Bookis: Today is going to be an excellent day. Kicked it off by finishing Perplexus for the first time. Next, TRAMPOLINE PARTY in p-land!
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 9:02 AM
-
Brooke Graham: @eliduke there is snot leaking outta my face. I get lightheaded bending over. Could you imagine jumping for hour like this? I'd pass out!
Saturday, February 04, 2012 at 8:36 AM
-
Eli Duke: @brke What the fuck!?! I'm disappointed in you. There's gonna be TRAMPOLINES EVERYWHERE!! What can POSSIBLY be more important than that?
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 10:20 PM
-
Brooke Graham: Sorry Portland, but body slams and elbows drops are gonna have to wait until next time ;(
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 7:05 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: #smitten so let's see how this goes wrong.
Friday, February 03, 2012 at 5:42 AM
-
Lo: 'judging from the smell of that corridor, she's probably befriending another realm' -friend explaining that his neighbor smokes A Lot of pot
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 8:12 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I'm VERY busy on Tuesday, February 14th so don't even bother asking me out for that night. Because I'm busy. Super busy so don't even ask.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 7:56 PM
-
Sofiya Alexandra: Hey people with protected accounts: Whatcha tweetin' bout?
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 2:48 PM
-
Now I'm Worried: Now I’m worried that I overfed my neighbor’s fish and overwatered their cactus and everything will be dead by the time they’re home.
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 12:29 PM
-
Amanda Quinn: Google knows me so well. http://t.co/AzQtosK
Thursday, February 02, 2012 at 12:21 PM
-
Now I'm Worried: Now I’m worried that the ceiling fan will fall and slice me up in my sleep.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 5:21 PM
-
Mike Stumpe: It's not rocket surgery
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 9:03 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Sitting at a separate table from my date 'cause I don't want him to think I'm "clingy." Also, he's with someone else so there was no room.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 5:01 PM
-
Mike Stumpe: Gary always gets in that car accident in "remember the titans". Every time!!!
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 6:47 PM
-
Shane Becker: So. At this point, being straightedge has cost me more relationships than it's gained me.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 3:03 PM
-
Now I'm Worried: Now I'm worried because I don't know who to call to get the knot out of my sweatpants. A handyman?
Wednesday, February 01, 2012 at 9:21 AM
-
Brooke Graham: Seriously? If I sneeze one more time.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 10:58 PM
-
Aj Foster: It was an eventful day. Met Maury and watched him tape a show. Watch on Feb 15th, I'm all over that shit. http://t.co/7Y54ZQsM
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 9:26 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Romantic bubble bath for one, 'cause cats can't swim!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 6:54 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: No joke, I can't remember the last time I showered. Now keep in mind I work at 3 jobs all and hour from my house. But... still. eww.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 6:41 PM
-
Alexandra Fiber: RT @cat_fancy: cats
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 8:23 PM
-
Grist: Meat-loving hipsters are hot right now, but here's why vegetarians should stand their ground: http://t.co/Xt0oiaHi
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 3:24 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: I love @IMKristenBell even more after watching her freak out over a sloth.
http://t.co/p4aGLfXq
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 9:12 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Blocked by 2 REAL friends b/c they thought I was a pornbot due to the name! SERIOUSLY? It’s not like my name is Cinnamon Lolita. #facepalm
Tuesday, January 31, 2012 at 10:33 AM
-
N8duke: Frumunda Mabalz is the new Haywood Jablomey
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 11:13 PM
-
Kristen Bell : Welcome to @theellenshow ! todays topic? Kristen Bells inability to handle her emotions! http://t.co/jBFcZ4mo #slothpluskristenequalslove
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 11:05 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Be careful not to swallow your cat when kissing him otherwise you'll be all alone again.
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 10:46 PM
-
Toby Sterrett: is there such thing as an outdoor pug?
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 9:38 PM
-
Shane Becker: @eliduke As scientists, we call those Sheep.
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 9:01 PM
-
Eli Duke: @veganstraightedge Hmmm. An Earth Sheep? That's something.
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 7:01 PM
-
Shane Becker: @eliduke Me? Earth Sheep. Or whatever.
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 8:59 PM
-
Eli Duke: Apparently I was born on a Thursday, and, if we consider Chinese Astrology / Zodiac, I'm a Water Dog. Who knew? http://t.co/hxA2dgxH
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 6:47 PM
-
Mike Stumpe: I'm like...what the fuck is superimposed ?
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 3:05 PM
-
Shane Becker: This girl can say any word backward.
http://t.co/lHiZGCEJ
/via @rands
Sunday, January 29, 2012 at 9:22 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: An infant is just a minaturized you that can detonate from the mouth or butt at any moment & you have to carry it around & keep it alive!!!
Sunday, January 29, 2012 at 8:03 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: I can only dream of having the tenacity and work ethic of an extreme couponer.
Sunday, January 29, 2012 at 7:10 PM
-
Aj Foster: It is official. I will be living a dream on Tuesday. I couldn't be more excited to see Maury live and in person!
Sunday, January 29, 2012 at 3:22 PM
-
Justin Halpern: Posting on twitter about how productive you're going to be today is like telling the cashier at KFC about your new diet.
Sunday, January 29, 2012 at 10:09 AM
-
Morgen Myrdal: i quit my job. goddamn right it's a beautiful day.
Sunday, January 29, 2012 at 8:58 AM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: How pregnant can I get by myself?
Saturday, January 28, 2012 at 2:46 PM
-
Sputnik Sweetheart: If you like someone, set them free. If you hate them, set them free. Basically, don't hold anyone captive as a slave ever.
Saturday, January 28, 2012 at 2:26 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Guys only tease girls they like, right? My neighbor pushed me down the stairs & slashed my tires but hasn't asked me out yet...
Saturday, January 28, 2012 at 11:49 AM
-
Anni: Hey look @tjnelsonjr is in a magazine. And he didn't tell his sisterrr! http://t.co/pIC0qxfN
Saturday, January 28, 2012 at 11:59 AM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: The only thing I relate to in basketball is when the man yells "TURN OVER!"
Saturday, January 28, 2012 at 9:13 AM
-
Ashley Strahan: Sharpies are fun http://t.co/ZBQkzOmO
Saturday, January 28, 2012 at 10:33 AM
-
Mike Stumpe: One day generations of people will look back at us and not believe people told us what we eat is healthy #gmo
Saturday, January 28, 2012 at 11:20 AM
-
Jenny Slate: Always titties. Every day we have to decide to show or hide them. Everyday with the titties. Titties are the best though. #titties #Poem
Saturday, January 28, 2012 at 4:34 AM
-
Justin Halpern: My "Words With Friends" machine started ringing. Not sure what to do.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 6:41 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: "The man can't even hang blinds. Meanwhile I'm like 'Build me a table... then do me on it.'" -Josh
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 7:37 PM
-
Ben Pruce: Dedicated to that special lady or man in your life. Awww yeah honey. The big hand on my clock says its babymakin time http://t.co/MeHEQ3T
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 9:46 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I didn't shave my legs just to get stood up thirty years in a row.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 6:19 PM
-
Laura Buttery: @eliduke @brke I've never known anyone else with such a fondness for poop! It's kiiinda your thing. :)
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 8:38 PM
-
Mark Rennie: You're a pretty indulgent culture when you let performance art be a thing.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 1:22 PM
-
Shane Becker: I just blew @evanphx's mind by teaching him that flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. Boom.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 12:56 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: SO ready to drop that Zero & get with a Hero. Or like a Five. Four is fine. If you know any single Threes, DM me. Heeey Twos.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 12:04 PM
-
Cory Doctorow: Jon Stewart on Gingrich's moon colony: "He wants to leave the Earth for a younger planet"
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 6:54 PM
-
Now I'm Worried: Now I’m worried that I offended the dry cleaner when I said my nephew had a chink in his armor.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 8:39 AM
-
Amanda Quinn: I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul. #creep
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 11:35 AM
-
Ben Pruce: @eliduke @andrewjfoster @mikeblessing Ben Folds Five is reuniting to make an album. Everything in 3's. Refused, ATDI, BF5
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 10:09 AM
-
Ricky Gervais: OK, last time. We didn't evolve FROM apes, but WITH them. We have shared ancestors like cousins share grandparents.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 1:45 PM
-
Mcrashelle: @eliduke That South Pole video was the best thing I could've thought of watching at my 4am during my graveyard shift. 2 hours left. thaank u
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 3:13 AM
-
Lo: @veganstraightedge @eliduke this particular toot made me feel real warm and happy. you guys are good at being friends.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 3:49 AM
-
Mcrashelle: @eliduke DUUUUUDE. Your favorites list is totally fucking entertaining me right now.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 2:29 AM
-
Mcrashelle: @eliduke Well thank you for that option Eli. How the heck are ya? And when are you coming back to Seattle.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 2:23 AM
-
Eli Duke: @mcrashelle If you're looking to kill some time, you can poke around in my @twitter archive I just published. http://t.co/VKL7j1s5
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 12:59 AM
-
Mcrashelle: Bored at the gym night shift. Painfully bored.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 12:59 AM
-
Shane Becker: I called @eliduke to tell him about one thing... 3 hours later we just hung up. Good talk. See you out there.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 1:48 AM
-
Bookis: Guess who's got 1 sock on.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 12:05 AM
-
Lo: be bold, @eliduke
Thursday, January 26, 2012 at 11:02 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I always forget the brand of my favorite hummus & how many people I've slept with. Sabra?
Thursday, January 26, 2012 at 9:24 AM
-
Dana Gould: This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Thursday, January 26, 2012 at 9:16 AM
-
Mary Charlene: Just gave my boyfriend a handjob but instead of my hand I used my vagina.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012 at 10:13 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Need a dress so I stopped by BCBG. I left immediately b/c I don't trust people who wear sequins and aggressive daytime eyeliner.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012 at 1:02 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: NBC did not order my show. Will be performing it with my children in a Costco parking lot near you, 8pm every Thursday night this Fall.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012 at 7:42 PM
-
Mary Charlene: Whenever I buy birth control, I ask my pharmacist for "mama's fuck pills." He never laughs.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012 at 7:47 PM
-
Brooke Graham: I think we should do a "Shit Brooke Says" video fool of hills, and crowns. Dill?
Tuesday, January 24, 2012 at 5:31 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: If your neighbor stops by, tell him "Storks are dorks. Let's do this the old fashion way" to see if he's ready to be a daddy.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012 at 11:51 AM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Dry heaving from my eyes again.
Monday, January 23, 2012 at 9:38 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: Women throw up when they're pregnant because nothing is grosser than a human growing inside of you
Monday, January 23, 2012 at 10:05 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: There is no "i" in "team," but there are a lot of "pills" in my "mouth" because nobody will marry me.
Monday, January 23, 2012 at 7:40 PM
-
Mark Rennie: If not for @instagram I don't know where I'd find pictures of cappuccinos! #BlessYou
Monday, January 23, 2012 at 6:51 PM
-
Mark Rennie: Scott Peterson and Drew Peterson are the Bill Pullman/Bill Paxton of wife-murderers. I can't keep 'em straight!
Monday, January 23, 2012 at 12:24 PM
-
Lo: even if i could hear what you said i doubt my reply'd be interesting for you to hear bc i havent read a single book all year. #idratherdance
Monday, January 23, 2012 at 10:12 AM
-
Mark Rennie: Saying Dolly Parton has had too much plastic surgery is like saying Shrek is a little too green. That's what she's supposed to look like!
Sunday, January 22, 2012 at 10:31 PM
-
Aj Foster: This winter is so weird. Warm, cold, snow, and now a thunderstorm. Also this elevator smells like rotting fish.
Sunday, January 22, 2012 at 10:38 PM
-
Jrak: Did I catch a niner in there? #tommyboy
Sunday, January 22, 2012 at 7:37 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: It should be mandatory for dogs with human-sized genitals to wear underpants.
Sunday, January 22, 2012 at 12:03 AM
-
Shane Becker: @eliduke Or calls me.
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 8:15 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: I guess I'm going coyote hunting in two weeks? Hahaha should be interesting.
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 9:45 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: My mom just called me a honey badger.
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 7:35 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Tampons are my boyfriend.
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 5:20 PM
-
Harris Wittels: How come girl facial cleansers smell like flowers and melons, but boy facial cleansers smell like science? We like nice scents too, y'all!
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 3:42 PM
-
Barefoot Ted: @LunaSandals meets with the Vibram folk to talk about our future relationship. Sweet! http://t.co/mSnxFB5a
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 1:19 PM
-
Mike Stumpe: @n8duke @eliduke hey loser...whydont ya learn how to drive pal! http://t.co/79HOo5g
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 2:51 PM
-
Lo: probably parked too close to this hydrant.
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 12:56 AM
-
Morgen Myrdal: Instead of abreast, how about "aboob?" "just keep me aboob of the news." or i would like to touch "abreast."
Friday, January 20, 2012 at 8:39 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: @eliduke I love salt & pepper kettle chips. So yummy! I also love reading, so it sounds like a great night to me :)
Friday, January 20, 2012 at 9:28 PM
-
Lo: saganspeed you black emperor
Friday, January 20, 2012 at 4:58 PM
-
Justin Halpern: There's nothing less fun than someone asking you if you're having it.
Friday, January 20, 2012 at 2:27 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: If I was Sabrina the teenage witch...I would totally whip up a spell for some gloves right now.
Friday, January 20, 2012 at 7:38 AM
-
Mcrashelle: New 2012 goal: learn the words to Butterfly: by Crazytown
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 11:57 PM
-
Ben Morin: My friends and I got together here in Antarctica and made a movie: http://t.co/e15cYJsw
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 11:48 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: According to Steve I've eaten 136 pizza rolls in one year three months and six days and I'm about to eat some more.
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 6:22 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: I guess it was only a matter of time before I became obsessed with Britney's "hold it against me"
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 1:13 PM
-
Gosia Pastusiak: Secretly I've been craving a milkshake for like 5 days..and I got one yesterday!
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 1:34 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: "I don't like the taste of water." -First World Problem
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 1:14 PM
-
Hrrrthrrr: As my emergency contact I want you to pull the plug if I'm ever brain dead. Then donate my organs and befriend whoever gets my heart.
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 10:43 AM
-
Stephen Colbert: Come to my rally on Fri @ 1pm @ the Cistern at College of Charleston and show your support for Herman Cain for me.
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 12:02 PM
-
Shane Becker: It's amazing how much less I spend on groceries when I don't get a metric grip ton of juice and chocolate almond milk.
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 8:44 AM
-
Am 4000: I liked dub step so much better when it was called dial up Internet
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 11:27 AM
-
Mcrashelle: Aw man. Cancelled my debit card... & guess what... Found it in my bra...
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 6:12 AM
-
Shane Becker: The other day @n8duke and @isadance called me because asking me was faster than googling for Fall Out Boy lyrics. I'm good with that.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 10:14 PM
-
Toodle Pip: Watching "Into the Wild" makes me want to pack up all my stuff, head into a forest wilderness, and hang out until my iPhone battery dies.
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 12:23 AM
-
Lo: if there's anything nicer than an overwarm bath and a discussion about the nature of discourse via wifi- well ill just eat my donut hat.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 9:00 PM
-
Brooke Graham: I made a snowman, with penis. Sledded down Republican w/ random neighbors. Got drunk. & I am now cooking dinner for one. Today has been ok.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 7:45 PM
-
Leslie Bailey: She should have known it was nothing that her pajamas, cats, and a glass of wine couldn't fix.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 3:48 PM
-
Jonathan Howard: If only people had hated #NDAA as much as #SOPA. Apparently indefinite detention without trial isn't nearly as bad as losing Youtube.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 4:05 PM
-
Mark Rennie: "Sucker Punch" is "Inception" for chronic masturbators.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 11:12 PM
-
Dee Dee Cecil: You know you're a grown-ass woman when your home smells of high-grade weed and marcona almonds. #adulthood #40
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 11:07 PM
-
Mcrashelle: I swear I used to have a French Press
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 9:15 PM
-
Brooke Graham: Recording studio in the attic. Me and Scott plus one. We are so gonna start a hardcore band.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 7:48 PM
-
Shane Becker: Justin Bieber's "Baby" performed by groom and groom's dudes at a wedding reception : http://t.co/fakbVEws /via @house @broccolini
Sunday, January 15, 2012 at 1:21 PM
-
Teri Solow: Why do they call it a "walk of shame"? How prudish. It should be, "walking off a really fucking good night, thankyouverymuch."
Saturday, January 14, 2012 at 12:17 PM
-
Kimbra: Dayum. Busta - you so tight. My man Mike Elizondo playing/progamming on this track!! http://t.co/6B4fTrjK
Saturday, January 14, 2012 at 7:50 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: Made a skim latte for Jason Sudeikis... I should cover more shifts in the west village.
Friday, January 13, 2012 at 10:18 AM
-
Mark Rennie: This new fertilizer leaves mulch to be desired.
Thursday, January 12, 2012 at 6:01 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: "I miss being single," my married friend fibbed as she retreated into her cuddle kingdom to continue being loved unconditionally.
Thursday, January 12, 2012 at 2:47 PM
-
Josh : Avatar 2 release date has been pushed back 2 years from 2014 to 2016? Pandora will be real by then & it will be like watching a soap
Thursday, January 12, 2012 at 4:47 PM
-
Gully: If drugs are illegal for athletes, photo shop should be illegal for models
Wednesday, January 11, 2012 at 5:02 PM
-
Courtney Guertin: Crocs did it again. Most beautiful shoe ever. http://t.co/yHP8J3S8
Tuesday, January 10, 2012 at 5:46 PM
-
Missy Moser: Him: I noticed in your profile we have something in common. Me: What? Him: Fucking magnets, how do they work? Me: oh wow. Him: miracles.
Saturday, January 07, 2012 at 6:02 PM
-
Kimbra: That awkward but humbling moment when 'Somebody I Used To Know' is blasting through the airport & everyone around you is singing along.
Sunday, January 08, 2012 at 9:40 AM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I just don't want to marry anyone who was ever associated with "ultimate frisbee."
Saturday, January 07, 2012 at 2:25 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: Overheard a hipster say his infant son's name was "Yoshi" so I lit his beard on fire.
Saturday, January 07, 2012 at 3:25 PM
-
Laura Buttery: It would be so fucking awesome if I could never hear the phrase, 'I'm not here to make friends' again in my life.
Saturday, January 07, 2012 at 2:21 AM
-
Doug Benson: Gay sex will exist forever, abortions will continue to happen, people will always smoke weed. Know what is going away, though? OLD PEOPLE
Friday, January 06, 2012 at 7:16 PM
-
Lo: crushed out on our moon tonite. amazing to think if earth were size of classroom globe, moon would be a mile away. and we've been there!
Friday, January 06, 2012 at 7:12 PM
-
Glen Maddern: This is a pretty incredible photo (Surfer magazine photo of the year) http://t.co/GrzuJOWy /ht @undrewb
Saturday, January 07, 2012 at 1:55 PM
-
Mike Stumpe: @eliduke that was awesome. Especially when that cat farted
Friday, January 06, 2012 at 7:22 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I get it! The guy I'm dating & the guy I'm sleeping with are supposed to be the SAME person! Or brothers.
Thursday, January 05, 2012 at 5:33 PM
-
Justin Crawford: A bike is a very simple machine. It uses gears and levers to rotate and turn the globe until the place you want to be is right here.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 6:35 PM
-
Shane Becker: Nebraska. Nebraska Jones.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 3:22 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: Cain, Perry, Bachmann all claimed God told them to run for President, and all are out of the race. God is hilarious.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 10:45 AM
-
Brooke Graham: Whenever a Duke favorites/retwoots my tweets I feel like I scored some serious nerd points, of the geek variety. FTW! Cc @eliduke @n8duke
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 9:35 AM
-
Ashley Strahan: I'm calling a lot of people Bozo now. It's like my new thing.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 8:55 AM
-
Bookis: "Don't worry kitty, we're gonna watch a show, you can come cuddle with us" -@eliduke talking to cat while we're winding down for the night
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 1:42 AM
-
Brooke Graham: I loved me some Captain Planet, it was like "Hippy X-Men"
Tuesday, January 03, 2012 at 10:01 PM
-
Clayton Cubitt: More people are having mind-blowing anal sex in NYC at any given time than voted in the Iowa Republican caucuses today.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012 at 12:49 AM
-
Mark Rennie: "It feels good to sit." - every adult riding Pirates of the Caribbean.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012 at 5:32 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: As an experiment, I'm gonna mass-text all my exes "Meet me at our place at midnight." Or, rather, my ex. Or I'll just eat pudding.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012 at 3:18 PM
-
Scotched Rinker: I'm really good at making someone fall in love with me and then slowly destroying that love, if anyone needs marriage advice.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012 at 1:49 PM
-
Mandy Slamberg: my sweatiest post-exercise crotch still smells infinitely better than your freshly-washed balls.
Monday, January 02, 2012 at 6:00 PM
-
Jasmine Lewis: Do you ever eat lasagna, then weigh yourself to cry and just feel things.
Monday, January 02, 2012 at 6:24 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: yknow, staring out the window watching a winter sunset in manhatten while listening to crosby stills & nash and getting paid aint half bad
Monday, January 02, 2012 at 1:44 PM
-
Mike Stumpe: I choose....BUSINESS ETHICS
Monday, January 02, 2012 at 1:10 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Is intercourse the one where he holds me?
Sunday, January 01, 2012 at 3:07 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: It doesn't count as the "walk of shame" if you're carrying a cat.
Sunday, January 01, 2012 at 12:16 PM
-
Gosia Pastusiak: Had a dream I was in Hawaii w @eliduke . We had to swim thru rough waves to a sand bar where we are berries w sea turtles. I miss HI
Sunday, January 01, 2012 at 10:59 AM
-
Amanda Quinn: Somebody please explain to me what is so goddamn fucking appealing about cigarettes.
Sunday, January 01, 2012 at 12:52 PM
-
Bookis: If i disappear or get eaten by cannibals today, please know @eliduke is ultimately at fault.
Saturday, December 31, 2011 at 4:27 PM
-
Low Times : What time is Anal Cunt playing Time Square tonight?
Saturday, December 31, 2011 at 1:17 PM
-
Geoffrey Grosenbach: Many adults have forgotten the joy of dumping bags and boxes of things out onto the floor. Try legos, chips, or a 10 pound bag of flour.
Thursday, December 29, 2011 at 5:40 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Guys are so sensitive about their teeny tiny wieners!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011 at 5:10 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Anybody have a dog & a baby & a stroller & a wheelchair I could borrow? I need to go to the mall and just stand there.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011 at 2:32 PM
-
Professor Snape: Sex and the City is trending. Wouldn't you rather be watching this...? http://t.co/X9M8kMXL
Wednesday, December 28, 2011 at 6:39 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: Sore throat, whyyyyyy!!!! I shake my fist at thee!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011 at 10:12 AM
-
Brooke Graham: @bookis just rub @eliduke's thighs and pretend he's a fish. It's pretty much the same thing.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011 at 10:38 PM
-
Bookis: @brke I've already cried 3 times since you left.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011 at 10:09 PM
-
Brooke Graham: I miss the teasing already ;( and the body slams. Cc/ @eliduke @veganstraightedge @bookis
Tuesday, December 27, 2011 at 9:09 PM
-
Jrak: I roll my eyes at 90% of statuses on Facebook.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011 at 6:01 AM
-
Jon Daly: Does Tilda Swinton live in a house or does she just walk slowly into the ocean in a bridal gown in between movies?
Monday, December 26, 2011 at 7:53 PM
-
Brooke Graham: It's my last sunset in Hawaii. Better make it good, God.
Monday, December 26, 2011 at 6:52 PM
Hey! Where'd all the tweets go? Click here to see them all, but it's gonna take a sec...