Tweets (10006)
-
Sometimes I like to pretend that big old fallen trees are giant dinosaur carcasses.
-
Went for a walk thru an old lava field on the Deschutes River & now I'm getting some work done. Is this what the kids call "telecommuting"?
-
-
Anyone have an AT&T iPhone 4(S) I can borrow in June? I'm going to Anchorage in a school bus with 9 people and a Chihuahua. Gotta document!
Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 1:31 PM
-
@brke Sure. I'm just gonna throw into my time capsule, so it doesn't need to be spit shined or anything.
Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 1:31 PM
-
@brke Totes. The 4S is obviously better, but I'll take an iPhone 4 for sure. We'll give it a shot. Oh, and I can I have my iPhone OG back?
Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 1:30 PM
-
@brke Ok. Maybe something could be worked out there. I don't HAVE to have an 4S. That's why I said, "4(S)". Get it? ;)
Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 1:17 PM
-
@brke @bookis How exactly are they broken? Do you think I could take one to an AT&T store and convince them to give me a new one?
Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 1:15 PM
-
I realize how ridiculous this is, but does anyone have an AT&T iPhone 4(S) lying around that I could borrow for the month of June? #longshot
Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 12:23 PM
-
"My favorite color is... well, I don't know how to say it in your language. It's sort of greenish, but with more dimensions." - Siri
Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 11:22 AM
-
OH: "Would somebody just LICK my anus?"
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 9:43 PM
-
After the Tumalo Falls hike, Miranda, Colleen, and I went for glorious run on the Deschutes River Trail. So beautiful.
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 9:23 PM
-
@kehahn Yeah! Don't take no shit from nobody. Especially @sumpter82.
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 9:22 PM
-
@kehahn @sumpter82 Oooooh! Burrrn! She burnt yo biscuits!
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 9:16 PM
-
Bummed that I missed the crazy thunderstorms in Portland today, but I really can't complain. Tumalo Falls! http://t.co/XIVEhMqp
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 9:14 PM
-
Colleen and Tumalo Falls. So powerful. http://t.co/PqwpSnX1
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 9:12 PM
-
Not a bad looking band of misfits, if I don't say so myself. http://t.co/jbxVJKXY
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 9:11 PM
-
"Tumalo Falls, Mother Fucker!" - Colleen http://t.co/3eXXZn9Y
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 9:10 PM
-
Miranda, Colleen, and Deanna. I know, I know. They've got really great personalities. I promise. http://t.co/4qUOeewR
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 9:09 PM
-
Cruising with Miranda & Deanna listening to @Kimbramusic's new album on @Spotify. Getting DOWN on "Settle Down". http://t.co/1J6GjCaP
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 9:08 PM
-
@lalavalse Ha ha. :) Yeah, something like that. But I did just got back from a BEAUTIFUL run along the Deschutes River. Not too shabby.
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 6:42 PM
-
@lalavalse I'm so happy for you! BEER! Wish I was there to join you, but I'm predisposed in Bend at the moment.
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 6:37 PM
-
Deanna said I'm NOT allowed to post this picture on the Internet, but I'm doing it anyway. ;) http://t.co/VEZSsvjh
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 11:34 PM
-
I gotta hand it to @TheShins for rocking quite a bit harder than I thought they would. Good on ya, y'all.
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 9:31 PM
-
Bend is pretty not bad. http://t.co/WSd8GHdL
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 8:11 PM
-
At the Blind Pilot / The Head & The Heart / The Shins show in Bend with my homegirls Deanna & Miranda. http://t.co/EFqiMF1G
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 6:08 PM
-
Rolled up to Bend for a jam-packed weekend with Deanna, Miranda, Colleen, and Friends. Happy 30th Birthday Miranda!
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 4:24 PM
-
My friend Miranda is a badass. http://t.co/IaRlHj8Q
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 4:17 PM
-
Multnomah Falls. Gotta love it. http://t.co/fBcSoFT2
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 4:16 PM
-
Photo: Rumi playing Guard Dog at the HotBox Yard Sale in Seattle :: August 30th, 2008 http://t.co/t0QbWMY7
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 10:01 AM
-
@mcrashelle They're amazing! Srsly. Grind up walnuts in the food processor and throw in some soy sauce & cumin. Serve with Endive Tortillas.
Thursday, May 24, 2012 at 12:36 PM
-
"I can't do that on here. It's too difficult." - @n8duke, on the difficulty of capitalizing words on his crappy T9 flip phone
Thursday, May 24, 2012 at 12:30 PM
-
Bday Party / Ice Reunion at Jay & Susan's last night: Nicole, Zimm, T, Bodie... lots of Baby TV and Susan made bomb-ass Vegan Walnut Tacos.
Thursday, May 24, 2012 at 11:55 AM
-
For the record, I was there the first time Kristen Reyes 1) ate at a Food Cart and 2) picked a wild Salmonberry. Nbd.
Thursday, May 24, 2012 at 11:46 AM
-
Been having a PORTLANDRIFIC time with Kristen: Kennedy School Soaking Pool, Powell's, food carts, Forest Park, and Multnomah Falls. PDX!
Thursday, May 24, 2012 at 11:37 AM
-
@ejipp Wanna do a tour of the Theo Chocolate Factory on June 2nd at 10:30am? I've got 2 tickets with your name all over 'em!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 2:56 PM
-
Photo: Happy Birthday, Hannah! A self portrait of my sister (isn’t she so pretty?!) in Central Park, NYC ::... http://t.co/qY0XtKeQ
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 10:01 AM
-
Woah! Check it out! The main photo on the Nathaniel B. Palmer Wikipedia page is mine. That's awesome! :D http://t.co/J53CFMeA
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 12:25 AM
-
My photo of the Nathaniel B. Palmer will be used in The Naval Institute Guide to Ships & Aircraft of the U.S. Fleet! http://t.co/A6eiZ6Je
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 12:22 AM
-
Jennifer is a Party Pooper? Jennifer poops at parties? http://t.co/zcVCvVIR /cc @n8duke
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 12:08 AM
-
Totally digging my new MacBook Pro Dvorak keyboard cover from @KBCovers. If you're looking for one, look no further. http://t.co/Eo8hvWfo
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 11:53 PM
-
"Break it down? Are ya kidding me? This is hand-carved mahogany." - Kronk, The Emperors New Groove
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 11:41 PM
-
While waiting for the 72, a crazy hobo was pole dancing / grinding on the bus stop sign to some classic rock jams from his ghetto blaster.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 8:32 PM
-
I *will* judge you by how many Safari windows you have open on your iPhone.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 4:15 PM
-
BUR ✈ PDX - From warm & sunny LA to cold & rainy Portland. It's good to be home.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 2:45 PM
-
Chicken McNuggets are to chickens as Pringles are to potatoes.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 2:44 PM
-
The Hobo Stew was off the chain. :) http://t.co/dVb7UKg8
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 9:53 AM
-
Hummus as bowl for Salsa. http://t.co/Tq7m4OEs
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 9:52 AM
-
The four of us crammed into a 2-person tent that night and it was actually quite comfy. You should try it sometime. http://t.co/h0LtMnO5
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 9:52 AM
-
Hiking around the Chamberlin Ranch near Los Olivos, California. http://t.co/abISmAia
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 9:50 AM
-
This is Kristen. http://t.co/fgMlgDC2
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 9:50 AM
-
This is Alex. http://t.co/3lY4oya6
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 9:49 AM
-
Look at the size of that poop! Sheesh. http://t.co/eCR95KSB
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 9:49 AM
-
This is where I ran 50k this past weekend, at the Chamberlin Ranch in Los Olivos, California. Not too shabby, huh? http://t.co/UIGj2wJD
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 9:48 AM
-
Bing Bang Boom
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 10:28 PM
-
"Is that a Ukelele? That's cool." - Girl at Airport to Me
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 10:22 PM
-
My flight was canceled, so I'm nerding at Bob Hope Airport while Shane & Anneke finish dinner at P.F. Chang's. Veggie Lettuce Wraps to go!
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 9:12 PM
-
.@United Airlines has called me FOUR TIMES to let me know that my flight has been delayed from 8:46pm to 9:13, 9:03, 9:24, and 9:11pm.
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 7:13 PM
-
Played a round of Left Right Center at the @farmhouse, and @evanphx took the pot. He couldn't stop fondling his money the rest of the day.
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 6:41 PM
-
I left a splinter in my palm to see how long it would take for my body to reject it, and now I know: about 2 ½ weeks.
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 6:21 PM
-
@mcrashelle Very excited! :) I know that there will be SOME musicians going, but I'm not exactly sure who.
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 12:58 PM
-
@mcrashelle Totes let's play! Mos def. I would love to stay and see that show, but I'm leaving on a crazy School Bus Alaskan Adventure.
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 12:53 PM
-
@mcrashelle I'm coming up on the evening of June 1st and then leaving on the morning of June 4th. What's your plans?
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 12:43 PM
-
Photo: Valle de Cocora near Salento, Colombia :: June 27th, 2011 http://t.co/l8kSE3N0
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 10:17 AM
-
Sidewalk Joe http://t.co/iKSiomKi
Sunday, May 20, 2012 at 1:35 PM
-
Hollywood Farmers Market: Lil' Big Ups - crazy awesome one-man rubber band loop music http://t.co/clopswIo
Sunday, May 20, 2012 at 1:05 PM
-
It's Hollywood Farmers Market time! Check out this hottie holding a HUGE Daikon Radish. Yowza! http://t.co/XK1YqwHi
Sunday, May 20, 2012 at 12:44 PM
-
@sumpter82 Yep. :(
Sunday, May 20, 2012 at 9:13 AM
-
@jlsuttles Thanks! It was hard, but we had a great time. @bookis did the full 100k and I did 50k.
Sunday, May 20, 2012 at 12:19 AM
-
@Stumpacalypse Thanks, Big Guy. I tried my best, but my stupid IT Bands cut me off at 50k. But still, I'm happy with a 6-hour 50k.
Sunday, May 20, 2012 at 12:19 AM
-
I saw one of the most intense things in my entire life today: a momma cow who died WHILE GIVING BIRTH with her dead baby HALF WAY OUT. Wow.
Saturday, May 19, 2012 at 11:15 PM
-
I tried my hardest to power thru 100k (like @bookis), but my STUPID IT Bands forced me to call it after 50k (6 hrs). Still had loads of fun.
Saturday, May 19, 2012 at 11:07 PM
-
Headed up to Los Olivos with @Bookis to run 100 kilometers at the Born to Run Ultra Marathon tomorrow. Wish us luck!
Friday, May 18, 2012 at 3:49 PM
-
"@Yahoo [is a] leaking sewage pipe, covering everything it comes in contact with in watered-down shit." http://t.co/sWpRZG5F
Friday, May 18, 2012 at 12:12 PM
-
The California SMOGLER http://t.co/9S29vK5A
Friday, May 18, 2012 at 1:07 AM
-
A Google Image search for "train wreck" returns some interesting results. Very consistent, with the unexpected sprinkled in here and there.
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 10:37 PM
-
"Ultimate train wreck of a street goblin." - Alex
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 10:16 PM
-
@hrrrthrrr Thanks, Heather. You just made my day! :D /cc @kthrynn
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 10:07 PM
-
Here's a little sneak preview of COLORS, the @RubyMotion iPhone App I'm working on. Woo woo! http://t.co/sNrrbtm2
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 1:16 PM
-
This is Kristen, @Bookis, and Alex at the Old Zoo in Griffith Park. http://t.co/rpsSqd2W
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 9:37 AM
-
Hiking around the Old Zoo at Griffith Park, we found this squirrel and bug that were best friends. So cute. http://t.co/OPhsiaO4
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 9:37 AM
-
Here's another one of Alex at the Old Zoo in Griffith Park. He's so hard. http://t.co/CwQxpKqs
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 9:35 AM
-
@akstrahan @andrewjfoster @mikeblessing And AJ knows I love sass, so it's all good. And who doesn't love a little trash talkin'?
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 9:34 AM
-
This is Kristen and @Bookis at the Old Zoo in Griffith Park. http://t.co/XQ4BY01E
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 9:11 AM
-
This is Alex at the Old Zoo in Griffith Park. http://t.co/KAKCGlIW
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 9:10 AM
-
Photo: Paint Chips in the Plumbing Shop at McMurdo Station, Antarctica :: December 29th, 2008 http://t.co/yvueu4NG
Wednesday, May 16, 2012 at 10:01 AM
-
All 5 Of The Fast & Furious Movies - Just The Gear Shifting. http://t.co/HT4myGoI /cc @n8duke /via @sumpter82
Wednesday, May 16, 2012 at 8:38 AM
-
@sumpter82 I don't mean to be a jerk or anything, but @kehahn and I were having an A / B conversation, so C your way out of it. Thanks. ;)
Wednesday, May 16, 2012 at 8:34 AM
-
COLORS - A @RubyMotion iOS App to help the colorblind figure out colors and stuff. It'll be on the App Store soon. ;) https://t.co/fIbBDufB
Wednesday, May 16, 2012 at 2:42 AM
-
Stayed up until 2:30am tonight, but I wrote my very first iPhone App with @RubyMotion and I'm pretty excited about it. You're gonna LOVE it.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012 at 2:25 AM
-
Check out this 1944 patent application for a "Liquid Filled Dice Agitator", aka Magic 8-Ball. Amazing. http://t.co/cymSnRL4 /cc @jkottke
Wednesday, May 16, 2012 at 1:26 AM
-
@kehahn It's pretty cool, I guess.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012 at 7:53 PM
-
Waking up at the @farmhouse... the early morning sun is peeking through the trees while song birds make such joyful noises!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012 at 8:04 AM
-
@kehahn That's hilarious! But seriously, I was just wondering if you have a twitter account because I want to follow you.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012 at 7:57 AM
-
Triangle is SUCH a good movie. You should watch it. I included a link, but don't read the description, just watch it. http://t.co/ryB77Wi5
Tuesday, May 15, 2012 at 1:20 AM
-
This dairy / gluten / grain / soy-free and 80% raw Key Lime Cheesecake just BLEW MY MIND. Thanks, @alittlekrey! http://t.co/YLlH697q
Monday, May 14, 2012 at 10:37 PM
-
@robconery Sounds amazing, it really does, but $15,000 per week? Yowza! /cc @topfunky
Monday, May 14, 2012 at 6:47 PM
-
"Game Of Thrones" Running Out Of Unkempt Old Men To Cast http://t.co/ormDXbBu
Monday, May 14, 2012 at 11:29 AM
-
Photo: Old School Bus in Marblemount, Washington :: August 26th, 2008 http://t.co/H5P4MInn
Monday, May 14, 2012 at 10:01 AM
-
@sumpter82 @kehahn I would be honored.
Monday, May 14, 2012 at 8:52 AM
-
@myrdalkombat I'm so excited. Can't wait to see you.
Monday, May 14, 2012 at 8:51 AM
-
You never know, you know.
Monday, May 14, 2012 at 8:28 AM
-
"It's like a hoarder who is taking forever to get rid of shit." - Kristen, on how annoyingly long menstruation is
Monday, May 14, 2012 at 12:23 AM
-
Pretty sure there was mouse poop in the bulk raw cashews at the Hollywood Whole Foods, but the worker who I told couldn't have cared less.
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 11:39 PM
-
Went on a KILLER run up into Griffith Park with @bookis, and then I'm pretty sure we got brainwashed by Scientology. It makes so much sense!
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 11:29 PM
-
@kehahn I know you too well. /cc @sumpter82
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 11:27 PM
-
@roycef Hmmm. Interesting. Never heard of Toms Shoes before.
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 5:44 PM
-
Have you heard of Bobs Shoes? For every pair you buy, they give a new pair to a child in need. Such a cool idea! http://t.co/P7rsUJuO
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 5:39 PM
-
I tried to buy this painting of a SUPER creepy baby at the Rose Bowl Flea Market, but it wasn't for sale. Shucks! http://t.co/eOzCPHg1
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 4:57 PM
-
.@bookis found a $5 @americanapparel t-shirt at the Rose Bowl Flea Market today. How do you like it? http://t.co/7RYejBxC
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 4:56 PM
-
@akstrahan Sweet. I'm actually in LA right now, so… maybe wait until the 21st. Then we can have French Bulldog cuddle parties every day!
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 4:54 PM
-
I LOVE YOU ALWAYS at the Rose Bowl Flea Market in Los Angeles. http://t.co/MBCxP76s
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 4:50 PM
-
Excuse me? I believe I ordered the LARGE wrist watch (at the Rose Bowl Flea Market). http://t.co/GHdNX8dl
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 4:49 PM
-
@akstrahan Totally for sure! I sorta thought we already were, but this whole French Bulldog thing really seals the deal. Come to Portland!
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 4:34 PM
-
@akstrahan I dream about it every night.
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 4:31 PM
-
@akstrahan So precious.
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 4:26 PM
-
Sunbathing in the backyard at the @farmhouse. http://t.co/MzEECkm6
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 3:51 PM
-
While making myself lunch, I killed a bag of kale, a bag of nori, a carton of rice milk, a carton of almond milk, and a bottle of hot sauce.
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 3:12 PM
-
I love that the tag line for "What To Expect..." is "It's Too Late To Pull Out Now". Seriously. The billboards alone should be rated PG-13.
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 2:12 PM
-
Took shelter from the sun with an older couple whose friend was the "Head of the Disney Animation Cell Dept" during the Little Mermaid era.
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 2:04 PM
-
Kicking it at the Rose Bowl Flea Market. It's bigger than you could ever imagine. My brain hurts.
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 1:27 PM
-
@sumpter82 I think I found the soundtrack for your date with @kehahn. ;) http://t.co/uePnAG8I
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 1:18 PM
-
Ooey Gooey Sticky Icky TAR at La Brea Tar Pits. http://t.co/kl2oOhkI
Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 10:58 PM
-
Dire Wolf Skulls at La Brea Tar Pits. http://t.co/HYDoJGVT
Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 10:58 PM
-
The distant Hollywood Sign at Sunset. http://t.co/s3ATLQOq
Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 10:57 PM
-
No Smoking Please. The Smog is Bad Enough. http://t.co/IQqT6cNk
Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 10:57 PM
-
Griffith Park / Observatory with downtown Los Angeles in the background. http://t.co/9xXg2OdB
Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 10:57 PM
-
Draining Channel Half Pipe Skate Boarding in Bronson Canyon, Hollywood, CA. http://t.co/SfneOt5S
Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 10:52 PM
-
Remember that one time we were disc golfing and found a decapitated gopher face? Yeah, that was crazy. http://t.co/tq5uHUhM
Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 10:50 PM
-
Civ the Dog is such a pretty girl. http://t.co/olkemG5Y
Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 10:49 PM
-
Played with some tar at the LA BREA TAR PITS and got two squashed pennies! One of them was of a Dire Wolf. :) I had no idea they were real.
Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 5:44 PM
-
OrderProduct transferring an order item inventories has them
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 2:28 PM
-
"Is it too early for Pop Punk?" - @veganstraightedge
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 11:43 AM
-
Can I still be a hipster without my Skrillex Hair? Please! http://t.co/rsJqrq6F
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 10:30 AM
-
Photo: The Elusive Penguin Fish at Karikari Beach in New Zealand :: March 19th, 2011 http://t.co/zbkdkk67
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 10:01 AM
-
@myrdalkombat I'm probably gonna be in Seattle for the weekend of June 2nd & 3rd, before I leave for Alaska, so let's party! /cc @bookis
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 9:22 AM
-
Ran ON THE BEACH ystrdy w/ Pat Sweeney, Guinness World Record holder for Greatest Distance Run On Sand in 24 hrs. Nbd. http://t.co/9FibUq4x
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 9:15 AM
-
@sumpter82 @kehahn I know I've said it before, but you two are hilarious and SOOO cute together. Get a room! (If you do, can I watch? ;)
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 9:14 AM
-
HOLY SHIT! I want to explore this place. I *love* abandonment. Wanna go with me, @n8duke? http://t.co/JN3dzuz6
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 2:09 AM
-
Hey, Portland! I just got tickets to see @DearLandlord at @Rotture on MY BIRTHDAY. Woo hoo! You should come too. https://t.co/edJ1ANXL
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 12:31 AM
-
Anarchy Is Boring http://t.co/lTJD5QXF
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 12:25 AM
-
SoCal adventure day with @Bookis & Sweeney: played frisbee golf (+16), got stung by a bee, swam with a giant seal, and pooped in the ocean!
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 12:07 AM
-
"Politics is weird… [it] lacks even the loosest attachment to anything like reality." - Shepard Smith, Fox News http://t.co/W0XXw2LP
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 12:04 AM
-
"Politics is weird... and creepy. And now I know lacks even the loosest attachment to anything like reality." - Shepard Smith, Fox News
Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 11:52 PM
-
Inglewooood.
Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 12:24 PM
-
Photo: Circuit Board City Lights in Los Angeles :: September 19th, 2010 http://t.co/aoKuA1wo
Wednesday, May 09, 2012 at 10:01 AM
-
While hiking through Bronson Canyon ystrdy, two minimalist runners ran by and one said to the other, "Those guys were wearing @LunaSandals."
Wednesday, May 09, 2012 at 8:47 AM
-
Watched THE MIST tonight (probably my 6th time) with Alex, Kristen, and @Bookis, and it's still an amazing movie. Gotta love that ending.
Wednesday, May 09, 2012 at 12:46 AM
-
Hiked up Bronson Canyon to the HOLLYWOOD sign this afternoon with Alex, Kristen, and @bookis. Sometimes LA can be pretty.
Tuesday, May 08, 2012 at 9:09 PM
-
Rose Leslie is my new crush. From Downton Abbey to Game of Thrones. Yowza. I love her rough Scottish voice. http://t.co/O5gTf3WX
Tuesday, May 08, 2012 at 12:11 PM
-
Coconut Nectar (inflorescence) tastes exactly like Fruit Pebble Cereal Milk. It's creepy and delicious!
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 7:02 PM
-
@sumpter82 @kehahn It was lots of fun. Good people, good food, and I got to see @matesofstate LIVE in my friend's back yard. Very cool.
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 2:47 PM
-
@kehahn @sumpter82 You guys! Now I'm blushing. :D In LA, hanging at the @farmhouse after the 2nd Annual #farmhouseconf! http://t.co/gCtD9s72
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 2:44 PM
-
@plain_lo My brother (@n8duke) saw @HuntressKills last night in Portland and said they were great. You're friends with the singer, right?
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 12:25 PM
-
Photo: DO NOT CLIMB ON RAILING on the Picton / Wellington Ferry in New Zealand :: March 14th, 2011 http://t.co/WrPl0mxK
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 10:03 AM
-
"Stars are ugly." - @brke
Sunday, May 06, 2012 at 1:09 PM
-
The Hollywood Farmers Market is awesome. Filled my belly with so many citrus samples and then Lemon Basil Sorbet. What a beautiful day!
Sunday, May 06, 2012 at 1:09 PM
-
Got a huge splinter, twisted my ankle, my foot is bleeding, and I broke 2 lightbulbs all before 7:30am. Gonna be a good day! #farmhouseconf
Saturday, May 05, 2012 at 10:49 AM
-
Photo: Emperor Penguins near Scott Base, Antarctica :: March 1st, 2011 http://t.co/lUYpkZb2
Friday, May 04, 2012 at 10:01 AM
-
Psst! Hey! Will you do me a favor? Please wish @ brke (w/o the space) a Happy Birthday. Even if you don't know her, she'd really like it.
Friday, May 04, 2012 at 9:45 AM
-
Not to shabby, Hollywood. Not to shabby at all. http://t.co/Twg4dvtf
Friday, May 04, 2012 at 8:18 AM
-
We've all had a LONG day at the @farmhouse with buttloads of yard work and stringing lights behind us. Really looking forward to sleep.
Thursday, May 03, 2012 at 9:14 PM
-
Massive three-way nerd boner with @bookis & @evanphx over @rubymotion. Write iOS Apps in Ruby?!? This is very exciting. http://t.co/1nITaTyj
Thursday, May 03, 2012 at 10:31 AM
-
I think ALL toilets, public and private, should come with a book of matches. Seriously. They are THE BEST air freshener, hands down.
Thursday, May 03, 2012 at 9:47 AM
-
Always go. Never not go.
Wednesday, May 02, 2012 at 7:25 PM
-
Photo: Have a Plum or 100 in Seattle :: July 17th, 2007 http://t.co/0vnoMBsT
Wednesday, May 02, 2012 at 10:01 AM
-
@BenPMorin San Sabastian is so beautiful! Yeah! Will you have a chance to hop across the border to Biaritz? Definitely worth it.
Wednesday, May 02, 2012 at 9:08 AM
-
This was DIRECTLY across the street from an Apple Store. Honestly, does Microsoft have NO shame? http://t.co/qkHmVlR1
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 1:04 PM
-
Flying south from Portland, the snow-capped mountains were quite beautiful. http://t.co/J8b835mm
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 1:04 PM
-
@sumpter82 Perfect. If I know anything about @kehahn it's that she LOVES Brian McKnight.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:48 PM
-
@sumpter82 @kehahn Tell me about it! I'd say just go with the Wild Flowers and maybe some homemade jam or dilly beans or something.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:32 PM
-
@sumpter82 @kehahn Yes. Please god no. Keep it simple, brother.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:27 PM
-
Are @LunaSandals good for flying back roundhouse kicks? http://t.co/dm5sGZTS
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:18 PM
-
@sumpter82 @kehahn I know, right? I mean, you don't want go with just plain old roses… I think I'd recommend a wild flower arrangement.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:17 PM
-
@sumpter82 I don't blame you, man. @kehahn is a real catch. I mean, she's super smart, super hilarious, and super hot. Can't go wrong there.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:05 PM
-
Los Angeles is what's happenin'.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 11:50 AM
-
@sumpter82 @kehahn You two are so cute together, even if it is only digitally.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 11:48 AM
-
Walking outside & up the ramp onto the plane, the smell of diesel in the air, I had some crazy flashbacks of life as an Antarctic Fuelie. :)
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 9:50 AM
-
PDX ✈ BUR to help Shane get ready for @Farmhouse Conf 2 on May 5th. If you live in LA you have no excuse not to come. http://t.co/gCtD9s72
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 9:43 AM
-
Went to preschool with @n8duke this morning & filled in for Nula (3) as the Pretty Banana. The amazing thing: her costume fit me perfectly!
Monday, April 30, 2012 at 12:36 PM
-
Pick Up The Poop! http://t.co/oahTdtI8
Monday, April 30, 2012 at 12:31 PM
-
Went to a HOOTENANNY last night w/ Colleen & Friends. We sang songs & played guitars. I led the group in a modulated round of Row Your Boat!
Monday, April 30, 2012 at 12:16 PM
-
Photo: A 1-Year-Old Caimen in the Peruvian / Colombian Amazon :: June 10th, 2011 http://t.co/P8z6LwME
Monday, April 30, 2012 at 10:03 AM
-
I really, really like peanuts. Srsly. They're my favorite, but I'm pretty sure they just turn into farts after I put them in my belly. Hmmm.
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 5:55 PM
-
@bookis Totes. You should read this comic by The Oatmeal. http://t.co/9B9unJif
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 5:52 PM
-
My stupid IT Band flared up again, forcing me to stop after only 8 miles. The trails were so beautiful. Wish I could have stayed out longer.
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 9:24 AM
-
@akstrahan Well there's no question about that, on both accounts, but would this Dire Wolf have some sort of special wolf saddle?
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 6:02 AM
-
@akstrahan Wow. It's early on Sunday morning: you're talking about riding a Dire Wolf to get chicken & waffles, and I'm on my way to a 100k.
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 5:53 AM
-
I'm up at 5:30am on my way to the Council Crest Endurance Run in Marquam Park. Maybe I'll do 25k, maybe I'll do 100k. Who knows?
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 5:50 AM
-
Went to an *AMAZING* show at @awoldance tonight with Colleen. Unbelievable. Srsly. Mind blown at least half a dozen times. Thanks, ladies!
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 12:33 AM
-
@brke And I just stood there staring at you with a tear rolling down my cheek as you left without even the faintest of backward glances. :(
Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 8:59 AM
-
@andrewjfoster Say WHAT!? That's awesome. :)
Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 8:39 AM
-
"[Jay] named her gun after me. Isn't that cute?" - Emily
Friday, April 27, 2012 at 8:41 PM
-
I'm facing backwards on the train while playing with my phone (texting and such) and I'm NOT feeling motion sick. This is a big deal for me.
Friday, April 27, 2012 at 3:04 PM
-
And just like that I'm on the train back to Portland. Time really does fly when you're having fun.
Friday, April 27, 2012 at 2:25 PM
-
Photo: Headlamps at the Tree Line Aid Station during the Leadville 100 Ultra Marathon in Colorado :: August... http://t.co/LjvhfSXD
Friday, April 27, 2012 at 10:04 AM
-
The real action happens in between.
Friday, April 27, 2012 at 8:43 AM
-
Really excited about this "Four Factories" article in The Stranger that features @LunaSandals. It's like How It's Made! http://t.co/f18RIKqd
Thursday, April 26, 2012 at 10:19 PM
-
While working another LONG day at the @LunaSandals Factory, I upgraded an iMac G5 to 2GBs of RAM. Never thought I'd get PAID to do that. :)
Thursday, April 26, 2012 at 9:57 PM
-
Grind up on it girl. Show him how you ride it.
Thursday, April 26, 2012 at 2:14 PM
Retweets (721)
-
Cedar Reimer: Didn't know cutoff mom jeans were the must-have item of the season. Gonna skip that one. #Sasquatch2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 1:20 PM
-
Sarah Brown: Isn't it a shame how "theological issues" with women and gay people look exactly like misogyny and homophobia?
Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 7:29 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Important things to remember: 1. Be proud of who you are 2. Always be pure, simple & honest 3. You are unlimited.
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 9:03 PM
-
Hrrrthrrr: "Let's hold hands so we are safe and don't crash like when my ipad crashes." -my 4 year old nephew
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 3:50 PM
-
Hrrrthrrr: "rainbows are my favorite color." -my 4 year old nephew
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 3:37 PM
-
Harris Wittels: I hate groups of dudes.
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 8:44 PM
-
Billy Madison: That moment when the little voice in your head says, " So hot want to touch the hiney Awoooo!"
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 7:48 PM
-
Luna Sandals: Our very own Patrick Sweeney won last weekend's Born To Run Ultra. Another win for Patrick, and another win for Lunas! http://t.co/rlq89h2C
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 9:23 AM
-
Eli Yudin: My rap name is Lil' Condoms
Thursday, May 24, 2012 at 5:08 PM
-
Eli Yudin: Man, I love sex. When you get a fine-lookin lady back to your tent and start rubbin your dude-stump up on her dry desert slot. Hot dog!
Thursday, May 24, 2012 at 5:03 PM
-
N8duke: Lucas & i just *killed* pantera's "i'm broken" on guitar hero! "Did they bury dimebag darrel with his guitar?" good question, aiden.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 5:47 PM
-
Billy Madison: Facebook is like a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there's anything good in it.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 8:03 PM
-
Elise Worthy: So, yeah, I drank Mountain Dew today.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 1:36 PM
-
Justin Halpern: Portland, doing a reading of my new book at Powell's Hawthorne location tonight at 7. Look for me. I'll be the one without the mustache.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 11:27 AM
-
Noah Slater: The idea that you're nothing until you have a degree was drummed in to me since birth. Such a crock of shit.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 2:45 PM
-
N8duke: Ging gay geel. #Goblinbones
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 11:43 PM
-
Bookis: Hey everyone, my friend Squilio has a new photo blog. Check it out!
http://t.co/WusZN6ZL
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 9:55 PM
-
Mark Rennie: There's no right way to ask a woman if she's pregnant, so I just ignore every single woman.
Monday, May 21, 2012 at 4:38 PM
-
Almightygod: Thanks to everyone who came to church today to tell me how awesome I am. I really needed an ego boost.
Sunday, May 20, 2012 at 9:32 AM
-
Nick: "Wow 6 facebook friends have birthdays today," I whispered to no one. I closed my eyes and tried to remember what sunlight feels like.
Friday, May 18, 2012 at 12:49 AM
-
Elise Worthy: Something witty and interesting.
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 6:48 AM
-
Lauren Ashley Bishop: instead of a padded bra i wear cupcakes boys are all hey wait your real boobs are small and im like hey wait free cupcakes everybody wins
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 6:38 AM
-
Talia Imbrescia: Man, I totally would have repinned that trite quotation, but it had an extraneous apostrophe and the typeface was shit
Monday, May 14, 2012 at 8:07 AM
-
Bookis: Went to the Rose Bowl Flea Market today, I bought a new shirt. What do you think of it?
http://t.co/5u8paGdf
Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 4:54 PM
-
Shane Becker: This = @eliduke – Skrillex Hair™ @ The Farmhouse http://t.co/uXFryxVF
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 10:24 AM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I'm awake if anybody wants to move to the suburbs & start a family.
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 8:01 AM
-
Michael Ian Black: I'm so sick of people having opinions.
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 9:18 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: "You look tired." "Everything ok." <-- favorite things to hear when you aren't tired and you feel perfect.
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 3:47 PM
-
Harris Wittels: 9/11 was an inside joke.
Thursday, May 03, 2012 at 9:38 PM
-
Kathryn: Started watching Melancholia then turned it off.
Thursday, May 03, 2012 at 9:09 PM
-
Justin Halpern: My wife has requested I stop describing what I look like as "Jason Biggs with AIDS." I offered up "Adrian Brody with AIDS." No dice.
Thursday, May 03, 2012 at 7:23 PM
-
Harris Wittels: It's true what they say. I'm at that age where I want a baby to come out of my pussy.
Thursday, May 03, 2012 at 11:16 AM
-
Ellie Brown: Listening to people trash talk marriage as I walk to class. It is what you make it, people.
Thursday, May 03, 2012 at 12:04 PM
-
Mark Rennie: We should abolish the outdated concepts of gender! So if you see me in the ladies' room it's because I'm being political and had to pee.
Thursday, May 03, 2012 at 11:50 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Go to Google and search "Meth Heads" then browse the images that come up... good luck sleeping tonight jerks!
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:01 PM
-
Jadedpunkhulk: WHO YOU THINK BETTER POP PUNK BAND: FALL OUT BOY OR THE BAND IN FREE CREDIT SCORE COMMERCIAL?
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 3:01 PM
-
Shit Girls Say: Let's get bikes!
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 3:46 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Seriously guys, I've done way too much cardio getting in & out of bed so I'm staying here in this fetal position for the rest of the night.
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 4:34 PM
-
Jenny Slate: Just another NYC Sunday: two brunches, new dress, insane diarrhea.
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 7:53 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Someone should punch me in the face for watching royal wedding recap shows for the past 2 hrs. Nevermind, just took care of it.
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 1:03 PM
-
Billy Madison: Oh my God, Old Man Clemens hates shit.
Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 1:18 PM
-
Now I'm Worried: Now I'm worried about gluten.
Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 8:03 AM
-
Aj Foster: Ken Cosgrove married Alex Mack?!?
Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 2:00 AM
-
N8duke: Listening to @eliduke explain hashtags to a kitchen full of single ladies. #Hashtag #twofingerscroll
Friday, April 27, 2012 at 11:12 PM
-
Rob Delaney: "It just feels so good to have a clean apartment!" - someone who's never killed a bear with a sword
Friday, April 27, 2012 at 9:34 PM
-
Hrrrthrrr: This neighborhood has a pretty incredible list of wifi networks. http://t.co/klkHLf3q
Friday, April 27, 2012 at 4:52 PM
-
Mick Danny: The wikipedia page for Mama's Family is far, far more detailed than it has any right to be.
Friday, April 27, 2012 at 4:54 PM
-
Mark Rennie: It's very helpful when people tell me that I'm sweating. Otherwise, I'd have no idea! Please, keep it up!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 at 10:58 PM
-
Kathryn: its probably time for a hair cut when your mullet flaps in the wind. #hipsterproblems
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 at 4:19 PM
-
Harris Wittels: I love the smell of ketchup and cigarettes. Just kidding, please move your jacket.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 at 3:17 PM
-
Mates Of State: We're playing this sweet party on May 5 in Hollywood at @Farmhouse Conf.
http://t.co/b1ho4KPI
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 at 5:12 PM
-
Harris Wittels: Is it so much to ask to find a nice girl who will blow weed smoke into my butthole?
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 at 12:41 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Was singin in the shower this morning & now I can't stop thinking about why I haven't made an album yet! I sound incredible in there U GUYS.
Monday, April 23, 2012 at 9:45 AM
-
Justin Bieber: kinda weirded out that no one got the secret meaning of #boyfriend Obviously listening closely you can tell its about the migration of birds
Saturday, April 21, 2012 at 5:58 PM
-
Luna Sandals: "Why can't there just be fruit, vegetables, meat, and sunlight?" - BFT Quote of the Day
Friday, April 20, 2012 at 12:27 PM
-
Mark Rennie: Every now and then I watch the climatic furnace scene in Toy Story 3 just to feel something.
Friday, April 20, 2012 at 10:56 AM
-
Ashley Strahan: LA is so weird. I was offered group sex at least 15 times last night.
Friday, April 20, 2012 at 10:57 AM
-
Mick Danny: I like to mess with people's minds by talking about MicroMachines really slowly
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 8:11 PM
-
Glen E. Friedman Ⓥ : your BANK OF AMERICA makes major announcement !!! http://t.co/cOkNtUga - please RT
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 6:40 PM
-
Harris Wittels: Lemme get this straight, I set up auto bill payment and you send me a paper statement anyway? Who you tryin to get crazy with , esse?
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 11:39 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: Cool living in a world where I can watch a movie about people's mouths sewn to other people's assholes, but it's hard to get birth control.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 1:35 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: This morning I told the guy workin' the Starbucks drive thru that I love him & he laughed. WE LIVE IN A SICK WORLD!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 1:13 PM
-
Harris Wittels: Want to know the meaning of life? Pick up a dictionary, ya peanut brain!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012 at 5:08 PM
-
Shit Bookis Says: You know, a lot of people think I'm gay. I'm not. I just might be a furry.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 12:50 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: If someone tells you they're eating at Red Robin just whisper "RIP friend"... b/c their days are numbered.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012 at 3:53 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: A great relationship is when you notice your guy has just outfarted a giant fart from 2yrs ago and all you think is ‘Oh my god he did it!!”
Tuesday, April 17, 2012 at 10:23 AM
-
Daniel Tosh: i am in indianapolis, the birth place of dry-humping (code for kinda boring).
Tuesday, April 17, 2012 at 8:17 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @kehahn - SILLY AUTOCORRECT... rad = give zero f*cks
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 4:33 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: There just comes a point in ur life when u have to accept you'll never be rad enough to drive a car like this. http://t.co/Cja09RS3
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 4:28 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I'd rather be happily alone than miserably married jk lol
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 12:27 PM
-
Mark Rennie: COMEDY TIP: "The Yankee Candle Company" makes a great, lesser-used mall reference!
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 11:45 AM
-
Ashley Strahan: Whatevskies.
Sunday, April 15, 2012 at 10:24 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: Someone better put an unlit cigarette in my mouth for me at my funeral.
Saturday, April 14, 2012 at 6:57 PM
-
Sarah Beattie: sharks aren't trying to eat you they just hug with their mouths cuz it's the biggest part of their body next to their hearts
Friday, April 13, 2012 at 5:23 PM
-
Aj Foster: Successfully cut my nails after work waiting for the bus. Right pinkie nail fell just as the bus pulled up to the stop. #feellikeawinner
Friday, April 13, 2012 at 7:21 PM
-
Elaine Carroll: The middle seat? No, just put my decaying carcass in cargo so these nice folks next to me can have their precious elbow room.
Friday, April 13, 2012 at 6:10 AM
-
Elaine Carroll: A fight broke out at the JFK jamba juice that began "If that spoon even touches that mango, I'll die". So far my vacation has been fun!
Friday, April 13, 2012 at 6:00 AM
-
Elaine Carroll: Flying to Florida to hang out with a 3-year-old and a 98-year-old. I'm expecting sunshine with a good chance of naps.
Friday, April 13, 2012 at 5:37 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: If someone tells you "I never cry" while crying, whisper "You're a fucking liar."
Thursday, April 12, 2012 at 10:34 AM
-
Leslie Chow Parody: If someone with a baby sits next to me on a plane, I smile politely and say "I'm legally obligated to tell you I'm a level 3 sex offender."
Thursday, April 12, 2012 at 5:36 AM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Just got dumped AGAIN, which is weird because I wasn't even dating anyone :(
Wednesday, April 11, 2012 at 4:28 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: If weddings were for couples there would be men's wedding magazines.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012 at 5:13 PM
-
Ari Solomon: Bacon. http://t.co/Sz0jdU0j
Wednesday, April 11, 2012 at 11:38 AM
-
Bruno Bergher: Game of Thrones 16-bit RPG, freaking awesome, contains spoilers: http://t.co/RU9nFUaJ
Wednesday, April 11, 2012 at 11:36 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Sent my boss a meeting request titled "Mktg Ketchup" which is prob better than this message I left on his whiteboard http://t.co/kHorczHh
Wednesday, April 11, 2012 at 2:05 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Calm down, those aren't crumbs in my bed. It's kitty litter.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012 at 10:07 PM
-
Sarah Beattie: gonna open up a restaurant that's just a bunch of sinks for guys to stand over while eating then sit back and pick out a boyfriend
Tuesday, April 10, 2012 at 10:04 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Either this guy is attmpting a hammerhead barrel roll stunt dive into his bag of chips or he's having a hard time accpting they're all gone.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012 at 9:14 PM
-
Rob Delaney: Now that Facebook bought Instagram, "The Social Network 2" will have to be directed by Wes Anderson.
Monday, April 09, 2012 at 11:28 AM
-
Alexandra Fiber: Want to open a 90's themed Asian eatery called "That Was Way Harsh, Thai."
Sunday, April 08, 2012 at 8:56 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: What is it about sleeping in that parents just don't understand?
Sunday, April 08, 2012 at 9:13 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: I'd love a montage of kids eating Easter candy set to the chorus of Falco's "Rock me Amadeus" with the word Diabetes replacing Amadeus.
Sunday, April 08, 2012 at 7:31 AM
-
Dr Chim Richolds: It's amazing....chew chew chew and corn puts itself back together!!
Sunday, April 08, 2012 at 8:46 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: Tonight I have to hide candy around my house & pretend a rabbit did it because all of my kids' friends' asshole parents are doing it.
Saturday, April 07, 2012 at 3:46 PM
-
Billy Eichner: Passover Update: My grandma is still a HUGE bitch.
Saturday, April 07, 2012 at 4:32 PM
-
Brooke Graham: "Look at that, nothin' but fly looking ladies in my mentions." -@eliduke
Friday, April 06, 2012 at 9:48 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Time for my daily Nutella spooning session & I'm not talkin' about cuddling.
Friday, April 06, 2012 at 6:51 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Is there a sport where soccer players & baseball players line up to let me compare the tenderness and shape of their asses? #openingday
Thursday, April 05, 2012 at 4:27 PM
-
Mark Rennie: I've always found rim jobs a bit tongue in cheek.
Thursday, April 05, 2012 at 12:01 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Some people think I'm a "bitch" but I think they're "bad parents."
Wednesday, April 04, 2012 at 10:40 PM
-
Tyler Tervooren: Protip: Everything before the "but" is bullshit.
Wednesday, April 04, 2012 at 8:53 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: I'm amazing at pretending I didn't notice something, but remembering it forever.
Wednesday, April 04, 2012 at 8:54 PM
-
Pauly Casillas: Hey, dudes that say "God hates gays," your love for God is pretty fucking gay.
Wednesday, April 04, 2012 at 6:37 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Feeling empty inside & not in a skinny way. Send pills.
Wednesday, April 04, 2012 at 7:29 AM
-
Google Book Search: Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. http://t.co/PzE2RkUT
Wednesday, April 04, 2012 at 7:00 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Have you ever met someone whose tan makes you so uncomfortable you feel like they have a boner on their forehead?
Tuesday, April 03, 2012 at 9:59 PM
-
Damien Fahey: My favorite thing to do is get on the PA system at Trader Joe's and announce they cancelled Coachella.
Tuesday, April 03, 2012 at 2:09 PM
-
Mark Rennie: I love female empowerment but Sarah Palin has far too much self esteem.
Tuesday, April 03, 2012 at 12:06 PM
-
Brooke Graham: I think I have a thing for window washers ;)
Tuesday, April 03, 2012 at 10:23 AM
-
Paul Rust: Reading a review of a book about music criticism is the furthest anyone can get from actual human experience.
Monday, April 02, 2012 at 5:41 PM
-
Harris Wittels: The least important part is that you tried.
Sunday, April 01, 2012 at 1:24 PM
-
Alexandra Fiber: Crosswords are a solo sport, girl on the subway! STOP PEEPING MY PUZZ!
Sunday, April 01, 2012 at 5:03 PM
-
Lo: turns out i still dont like bullshit.
Sunday, April 01, 2012 at 12:42 PM
-
Jonathan Baltz: Google's April Fool's Joke is public. It's called "Google Play," an online marketplace to complete with Amazon & iTunes. They're so silly.
Sunday, April 01, 2012 at 6:18 AM
-
Chris Mc Dougall: caballo had the only funeral he would have wanted: his friends spent days running in the wilderness in his honor.
Sunday, April 01, 2012 at 1:48 AM
-
Sarah Beattie: I call my feelings "titties" so guys will care about them
Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 3:30 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: If your kids have pubic hair, you don't get to pre-board the plane.
Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 4:22 PM
-
Justin Halpern: I COULD get out of bed, OR, I could google whether or not Bumble Bee Man on The Simpsons spoke english in the spanish version of the show.
Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 9:06 AM
-
Chris Mc Dougall: Better luck tomoro. 54 of us searched today,plus dogs,planes, horses, choppers, and still no sign of caballo. Baffling.
Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 12:39 AM
-
Sarah Beattie: some girl told me I looked tired today so I told her she looked really pretty like adele
Friday, March 30, 2012 at 10:58 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: I obviously have a lot to learn from people who have mattresses in their vans.
Friday, March 30, 2012 at 8:27 AM
-
Chris Grunder: That creepy glow is the Empire State Building http://t.co/Z2nHoiIS
Friday, March 30, 2012 at 12:11 AM
-
Ashley Strahan: I think it's time to make time for myself.
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 8:38 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: I need to meet Jeff and propose to him... http://t.co/0z2BTTf1
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 1:58 PM
-
Shane Becker: Rainbow cat paws awesomeness : http://t.co/E6FFiJwM
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 at 6:58 PM
-
Cameron Adams: If you can't be bothered looking out the window, these 3d-CSS clouds are the next best thing http://t.co/mNhNzQAG
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 12:01 PM
-
Shane Becker: "The Illegitimacy of Violence,
the Violence of Legitimacy" : http://t.co/XQbcSLa1
Tuesday, March 27, 2012 at 12:42 PM
-
Justin Halpern: I don't believe the Ninja turtles were teenaged. No way you have time to fight crime AND masturbate twice a day.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012 at 9:13 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Can we please get to a point where it's unacceptable to say things like "cast a wide a net" & "low hanging fruit" at work?
Tuesday, March 27, 2012 at 1:06 PM
-
Hrrrthrrr: Karaoke is just like...the worst, right?
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 11:31 PM
-
Rob Delaney: One surefire way to get into a chick's pants is to point at a flower & be like "Look how fuckin' pretty that is."
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 6:59 PM
-
Hustle Man : If you watch Jaws backwards it's about a shark that keeps barfing up people so that a beach can be opened.
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 7:54 PM
-
Mark Rennie: I suppose Geraldo thinks Dementors are asking for it too???
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 3:25 PM
-
Sean Brewster: I think my grandparents would be happy to know they died before having to worry about their "web presence."
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 1:15 PM
-
Tyler Tervooren: If you want to forget about any problem you have, hang out with a 4-year-old.
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 12:32 PM
-
Mike Birbiglia: Bitches should lodge a formal compliant against rappers.
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 2:45 PM
-
Kottke.Org: A single 187-megapixel image taken by a Chilean telescope shows over 200,000 galaxies http://t.co/MQQMBsSv
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 2:31 PM
-
Steve Klabnik: Hey everyone. Because of my father's cancer, his last birthday is Sunday. Send him a birthday card: http://t.co/vGYqnMaX
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 9:57 AM
-
Andy Levy: "This episode of #MadMen is really exciting!" - people who watch soccer
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 10:12 PM
-
Sofiya Alexandra: Hey gruff-looking dads in plaid shirts who are incredibly gentle with your toddlers: Sup
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 6:12 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: Pearl the cat is super vocal tonight. She's been telling me all about her day and I never even asked.
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 8:07 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: If you have access to a megaphone and haven't farted into it, I can't love you.
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 4:26 PM
-
Harris Wittels: If a documentary is not on Netflix streaming, do NOT tell me about it. Are you fucking crazy?
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 11:44 AM
-
Billy Madison: Chlorophyll?! More like BORE-O-PHYLL! Right?
Saturday, March 24, 2012 at 2:38 PM
-
Brooke Graham: What's for dinner, besides beer and cookies?
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 11:11 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I'm so single I can't breathe.
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 10:55 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Can someone tell me WHY Lifetime, the channel for women, is not airing the IU game? Unbelievable. Un-f*cking-believable.
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 10:54 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: At bedtime, I wish you'd turn into a robot mommy who says "carter you can stay up for 40 more minutes." - my son
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 9:49 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: I might not know u personally but if u wear a visor NOT ironically, I already know everything I need to know about you... And it's not good.
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 9:05 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I just want somebody to be proud of me, like a father, or a boyfriend who pays for stuff.
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 4:47 PM
-
Laura Buttery: I wish puking rainbows was possible.
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 3:12 PM
-
Rstevens: You say "perfume," I say "biohazard."
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 4:07 PM
-
Shit Girls Say: Can I pet your dog?
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 6:46 PM
-
Now I'm Worried: Now I’m worried that my imitation leather shoes are real leather and someone from PETA will throw paint in my face.
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 6:44 AM
-
Aj Foster: It's really amazing the things you see and hear when you stop and slow down. It's a beautiful, tortured world out there.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 11:28 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Hitch hiking couple on 116th, kissing&holding hands. I wldn't pick them up b/c I don't let strangers have sex in my car & those 2 r def DTF
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 9:01 PM
-
Shane Becker: iPhone means I can conduct business while sitting in a 40s themed barbershop waiting to get a shave and a hair cut.
Hashtag. Two bits.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 2:10 PM
-
Shelby Fero: Bitches ain't shit but human beings with feelings and hopes and dreams.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 1:28 PM
-
Elaine Carroll: Just dropped my laptop on the coffee shop floor and everyone gasped and when I opened it and it still worked everyone clapped and I bowed.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 9:41 AM
-
John Barnette: Stay on target. Almost there.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 8:13 AM
-
Shane Becker: Life. Love. Lessons.
1. If you see someone pretty, talk to them.
2. If that goes well, get their number.
3. No one is out of your league.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 1:05 AM
-
Hrrrthrrr: Pretty sure one day I'm going to be in a Ludacris video.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 at 9:33 PM
-
Mark Rennie: Remember when the guy in Titanic claimed to be "King of the World" and then slowly froze to death?
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 at 5:18 PM
-
Andrew Wk: Outside the walls of logic and reason, I'm having a magical party. I'll meet you there.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 at 6:04 PM
-
Mark Rennie: I'm so mad about them making the Ninja Turtles aliens. They're taking something stupid and making it dumb!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 at 12:37 AM
-
Laura Buttery: My stomach just made the exact sound of a rack of tiles refilling in a game of Words With Friends.
Monday, March 19, 2012 at 9:40 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: I just had the most intense staring contest someone at Starbucks and now I think I'm pregnant. That's how it works, right?
Monday, March 19, 2012 at 9:41 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: Hey everyone storing food and supplies 'In case of apocalypse', if it happens, you're going to be murdered for that shit.
Sunday, March 18, 2012 at 10:03 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: That gas station attendent was so attentive. I extended my arms for a hug, but he looked at me all judgy. He's right, hugs r kinda fuqed up.
Sunday, March 18, 2012 at 10:03 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I bet food tastes better when you're married (right now it just tastes like alcohol).
Sunday, March 18, 2012 at 4:36 PM
-
Kimbra: The state of my right thigh after a week of tambo slapping at SXSW! Shieeet! http://t.co/Yn583Zcu
Monday, March 19, 2012 at 5:26 AM
-
Now I'm Worried: Now I’m worried that my grandson heard me yawn on the phone while he was telling me about his co-workers.
Sunday, March 18, 2012 at 7:43 AM
-
Kimbra: This is crazy! http://t.co/sEp2t8r8
Sunday, March 18, 2012 at 9:41 AM
-
Shit Bookis Says: Doesn't get much better than the homing gun, if you know what I mean.
Saturday, March 17, 2012 at 10:40 PM
-
Elise Worthy: Breaking in the TV with Contra. #fb http://t.co/NGY4vnwK
Saturday, March 17, 2012 at 3:36 PM
-
Laura Buttery: At what point/age to men stop caring that it's totally creepy and gross to check out 15 year old children? Sick.
Saturday, March 17, 2012 at 4:45 PM
-
Aj Foster: So many drunk idiots everywhere. I love it.
Saturday, March 17, 2012 at 3:54 PM
-
Shane Becker: I have Irish (and German) ancestors. I don't care.
Saturday, March 17, 2012 at 1:32 PM
-
Billy Madison: Looks like someone put shit in a bag and called it Duke.
Saturday, March 17, 2012 at 9:24 AM
-
Jenny Slate: Yes, guy at LAX wearing articulated toe sneakers: EVERYONE HAS 2 TAKE OFF THEIR SHOES, EVEN THE SHITTY, GROSS FUCKED UP PSYCHO SHOES
Saturday, March 17, 2012 at 4:17 AM
-
Mark Rennie: Let chubby girls be chubby and skinny girls be skinny so they can all shut up about their body issues already.
Friday, March 16, 2012 at 3:25 PM
-
Tyler Tervooren: Comment of the day on AR: Any idiot can run a marathon, but it takes a special kind of idiot to run an ultra.
Friday, March 16, 2012 at 2:32 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Also, saying old encyclopedias is redundant, isn't it?!
Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 7:49 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Speaking of encyclopedias, do people still make a living selling those door-to-door?
Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 7:48 PM
-
Harris Wittels: Fuck. Was just recorded by the google earth car. Just to be clear, I was jerking off NEAR pigeons, not TO them.
Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 3:32 PM
-
Bookis: I understand the vastness of our universe and the never ending possibilities, but I truly think we have the strangest planet ever.
Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 3:49 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: The world won't change until there's a tampon commercial where the girls are all curled up on couches and angrily drinking wine.
Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 3:45 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: At an IT conference & every dude in this session looks alike: glasses, balding, collared shirt & resting an iPad on their distended mangut.
Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 3:56 PM
-
Sarah Beattie: I wish I had one leg so if someone started complaining to me about their relationship problems I could just point at my stump and frown
Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 11:18 AM
-
Edward Droste: love via repetition , it's how the radio works
Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 2:09 AM
-
Justin Halpern: Mitt Romney acts like an alien that's travelled to earth to blend in with humans so that he can study us and report back to his planet.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012 at 8:15 AM
-
Mark Rennie: I was sick of that Gotye song way before anyone else.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012 at 12:12 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: I'd be in a lot of trouble if I got a boner every time I thought about boobs.
Monday, March 12, 2012 at 8:53 PM
-
Bookis: Cynicism is pretty much the coolest thing ever. I am a cynic, get out of my sunlight. Read http://t.co/rMpY0baJ
Sunday, March 11, 2012 at 8:49 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Seriously, guys, what time is it?
Sunday, March 11, 2012 at 10:54 AM
-
Iangphillips: While "Vulgar Display of Hops" is a pretty good name for a beer, "Fucking Hopstile" is much better.
Friday, March 09, 2012 at 8:07 PM
-
Mark Rennie: #FF @eliduke He travels a bunch, so following him is like going on vacation (without the risk of malaria)
Friday, March 09, 2012 at 1:15 PM
-
Mark Rennie: You'll know the gentrification has begun once they gays move into Toontown.
Friday, March 09, 2012 at 11:51 AM
-
Jenny Slate: The ad for adult diapers w a super sickly looking actress saying "Dry as a bone!" while looking at the floor does NOT make me horny.
Thursday, March 08, 2012 at 12:10 AM
-
Lo: there can never be too many pickled jalapenos.
Wednesday, March 07, 2012 at 3:57 PM
Favorites (1030)
-
Bookis: @eliduke grow up. Get it?
Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 1:56 PM
-
Eli Duke: Sometimes I like to pretend that big old fallen trees are giant dinosaur carcasses.
Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 1:43 PM
-
Mcrashelle: Attractive facts: driving over 520 makes me have to pee real bad. I have sweaty armpits.
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 1:40 PM
-
Alli Osborn: These premises? This premise? No one was apt to correct me on that. And @eliduke even favorited it!
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 12:16 AM
-
Alli Osborn: So pumped to vacate this premises.
Friday, May 25, 2012 at 10:33 PM
-
Alli Osborn: I miss Amy Winehouse.
Thursday, May 24, 2012 at 8:00 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: In Tacoma, the colors are so vibrant I feel like I've been wearing sunglasses for a year and just took them off. http://t.co/lEPWKJr
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 at 7:03 PM
-
Brooke Graham: OH "The worst part is that he has tar on him still."
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 12:00 PM
-
Mcrashelle: Forking blueberries is quite the ordeal.
Monday, May 14, 2012 at 5:16 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: OH on NPR: "...they have literally no bottoms to their pockets." thats's for you, @eliduke
Monday, May 14, 2012 at 5:45 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @eliduke @kehahn someone's gotta yell ACTION! So yes you can come and watch.
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 12:24 PM
-
Eli Duke: @sumpter82 @kehahn I know I've said it before, but you two are hilarious and SOOO cute together. Get a room! (If you do, can I watch? ;)
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 9:14 AM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn yeah I just did. It's like that!
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 11:24 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 ohhhhh snap. ohhhh no i you di'nt!
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 10:13 AM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn I'm gonna put U in a baby stroller and push you down a hill.
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 10:09 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY! WHAT WHAT, COME AT ME BRO
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 10:09 AM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn oh so I'm a MFer now? Ice that Charlie horse cuz im going to drive my knee into it!
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 10:00 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 I lol'd at that...baby legs?!?! lolz. muhfuckas always be makin fun of my stature.
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 9:57 AM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn well ya have small little baby legs so I can see your point.
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 9:56 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 but w/a charlie horse i'm all like "oh gawd, f*cking amputate. amputate it now!"
Friday, May 11, 2012 at 9:54 AM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn stubbing pinky toe on table is a close second, bangin knee on counter close third.
Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 5:40 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: List of things that are worse than a Charlie Horse: Death.
Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 4:53 PM
-
Eli Duke: @sumpter82 @kehahn It was lots of fun. Good people, good food, and I got to see @matesofstate LIVE in my friend's back yard. Very cool.
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 2:47 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @eliduke @kehahn @farmhouse gosh sounds exciting.
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 5:45 PM
-
Eli Duke: @kehahn @sumpter82 You guys! Now I'm blushing. :D In LA, hanging at the @farmhouse after the 2nd Annual #farmhouseconf! http://t.co/gCtD9s72
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 2:44 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 @eliduke probably out there somewhere on the best coast being SFR!
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 5:11 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @sumpter82 @kehahn what do ya think @eliduke is up to?
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 5:07 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn miss u more...
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 5:05 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 miss u...
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 5:04 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn miss u...
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 5:04 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 dead inside but feeling great! thanks for asking
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 5:02 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn ya look refreshed and full of life... Are you ok?
Monday, May 07, 2012 at 4:57 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: There are some things about my job that bother me. And guess what? I'm gonna try keeping mouth shut for once. #lessonsfromtheice
Thursday, May 03, 2012 at 4:35 PM
-
Eli Duke: @sumpter82 Perfect. If I know anything about @kehahn it's that she LOVES Brian McKnight.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:48 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @eliduke @kehahn ok good. I'm in the process of writing a song to go with it. Trying to get someone famous like Brian McKnight to help
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 3:34 PM
-
Eli Duke: @sumpter82 @kehahn Tell me about it! I'd say just go with the Wild Flowers and maybe some homemade jam or dilly beans or something.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:32 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @eliduke @kehahn good call don't wanna make her mad. Haha I mean we know how she gets when u F up a flower order.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 3:30 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @eliduke @sumpter82 keep going....
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 3:28 PM
-
Eli Duke: @sumpter82 @kehahn Yes. Please god no. Keep it simple, brother.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:27 PM
-
Elise Worthy: http://t.co/ySR6Kfpm is so quick and awesome. Thanks, @charliepark!
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:26 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @eliduke @kehahn is it corny to get a stuffed bear too?
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 3:22 PM
-
Eli Duke: @sumpter82 @kehahn I know, right? I mean, you don't want go with just plain old roses… I think I'd recommend a wild flower arrangement.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:17 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn @eliduke gonna order her some flowers can't decide on the arrangement tho. Uugh decisions!
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 3:12 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 @eliduke you guys know I can read your tweets right. I'm blushing... but don't stop. k thanks bye
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 3:12 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @eliduke @kehahn I think I'm gonna ask her to twitter prom. Hope she says yes
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 3:10 PM
-
Eli Duke: @sumpter82 I don't blame you, man. @kehahn is a real catch. I mean, she's super smart, super hilarious, and super hot. Can't go wrong there.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 12:05 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn @eliduke I love you gurl. Freakin love you
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:59 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 @eliduke --- well look at this f*ckin kumbaya moment! *CUE THE FULL HOUSE MUSIC*
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:58 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @eliduke @kehahn awe thanks Katie and just clicked from the very first tweet. Basically twitter soul mates
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:50 PM
-
Eli Duke: @sumpter82 @kehahn You two are so cute together, even if it is only digitally.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 11:48 AM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn obviously
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:42 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 i just really like food.... what can i say!
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:42 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn well at least the guys think they are jcrew models and have convinced you long enuff to get you to let them buy u dinner 😊
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:37 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 jcrew models! LOL you've obviously mistaken me for someone else.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:26 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn yeah that's cuz in real life your going on random dates with jcrew models FML
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:20 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 FO SHO! I feel like I've been dead on twitter lately and I know this is where the majority of our relationship takes place.
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:08 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn yeah I can tell... Question. Do you miss me?
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:07 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 I like to think about my responses before I tweet them! Can't you tell I spent a long time on that one?
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:06 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn way to respond a month later...
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:02 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 yea, what of it?!
Tuesday, May 01, 2012 at 2:02 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn hater
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 10:59 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Fackin A... How many times are Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon gonna get married?! We get it... you two love each!
Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 11:09 AM
-
Allison Osborn: Why can't everything be waterproof?
Friday, April 27, 2012 at 11:01 PM
-
Gooby Pls: The real guilt happen at CVS. Quiet, intimate transactions with soft rock playing. No real busy lines. Playful small-talk that ends sour.
Thursday, April 26, 2012 at 5:43 PM
-
Gooby Pls: It's easy to let down a cashier at a gas station because it's loud and everyone is angry anyway cause gas is expensive.
Thursday, April 26, 2012 at 5:38 PM
-
Gooby Pls: Why do I feel guilty when I don't have a rewards card? I feel like I can't look the cashier in the eye after I tell her I don't have one.
Thursday, April 26, 2012 at 5:36 PM
-
Allison Osborn: I keep having this reoccurring desire to cook a package of ramen, drain the water off, and pick it up in my hands and eat it all at once.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 at 7:17 PM
-
Allison Osborn: I mean, do you have to use a filter on Instagram? Like HAVE to?
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 at 6:33 PM
-
Gosia Pastusiak: @eliduke heck no! I hate space! That's my worst nightmare come true. But really, no thank you.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 10:47 PM
-
Gosia Pastusiak: Back in Denver. TX was a whirlwind. But my town car driver wants to be friends so that's cool.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 10:45 PM
-
Allison Osborn: Yeah, I just took my shirt off and held it out my car window to dry my pit stains.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 5:25 PM
-
Rebel Wilson: Hey everyone, if you want tix's to my pilot SUPER FUN NIGHT go to http://t.co/i9mPLtvs and write codeword MURNA in Address Line 2!!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 4:26 AM
-
Allison Osborn: My mom just made me an ice cream cone. And then made me eat it. MADE me.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012 at 11:20 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Opened a jar of pickles by myself. I guess everything's going to be alright after all.
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 8:05 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @eliduke @kehahn why don't you two get married and buy a tandem bicycle!! Makin me sick!!!!
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 10:06 PM
-
Eli Duke: Yeah! Uh! Unfollow yourself, @sumpter82! That's right. Ha! Srsly, @kehahn. You crack my shit up. I don't have near enough of you in my life.
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 7:04 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @kehahn @eliduke I have no response for that
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 10:02 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @sumpter82 go ahead and unfollow yourself... from life. Amiright @eliduke ?!
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 10:02 PM
-
Eli Duke: @sumpter82 Don't run away from your feelings! /cc @kehahn
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 6:52 PM
-
Collin Sumpter: @eliduke @kehahn unfollowing both of
You! #imahater
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 9:51 PM
-
Allison Osborn: Tomorrow night is going to be Titanic 3D take 3... I learned some tricks to avoid the motion sickness.
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 7:33 PM
-
Eli Duke: @kehahn Nuh uh. You're the one.
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 4:43 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @eliduke YOU ARE
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 7:40 PM
-
Eli Duke: @kehahn You're SFR.
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 4:38 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @eliduke OMG SFR LOVE IT... now that's SFR
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 7:37 PM
-
Eli Duke: @kehahn Straight FUCKING Radical (SFR)
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 4:36 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @eliduke I know the feeling. Now we have the same baby daddy and are kids are straight RADICAL!
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 7:34 PM
-
Eli Duke: @kehahn I tried so hard not to dance OR get pregnant to that song, but I failed miserably. I'm shaking my pregnant ass all over the place!
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 2:39 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: @akstrahan well you know how the saying goes... "Don't play @Chromeo unless you're prepared to have a fetus inside of you." right?!
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 5:06 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: @kehahn did you know that listening to @Chromeo can get you pregnant?
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 3:58 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Chromeo – Fancy Footwork #NowPlaying on #Spotify
http://t.co/3edakClQ
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 4:55 PM
-
Allison Osborn: Buzz Lightbeer http://t.co/0rPh34t
Saturday, April 14, 2012 at 11:25 PM
-
Allison Osborn: I always hope that people from high school won't recognize me when they come into my store since I wear glasses now. #clarkkent
Saturday, April 14, 2012 at 4:36 PM
-
Kathryn: I made cheese today in school. prrrrcool.
Friday, April 13, 2012 at 8:49 PM
-
Allison Osborn: "Alli, are you drinking Crown and watching Titanic documentaries again?" "No..."
Friday, April 13, 2012 at 10:15 PM
-
Allison Osborn: If your swimming with sharks you gonnna get ATE.
Friday, April 13, 2012 at 1:22 PM
-
Hunkey Dunnels: High on spinach. Can't sleep. Can feel the vitamins and minerals coursing through my veins.
Thursday, April 05, 2012 at 12:58 AM
-
Damien Fahey: My favorite thing to do is get on the PA system at Trader Joe's and announce they cancelled Coachella.
Tuesday, April 03, 2012 at 2:09 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: Factory farming is a public health concern. Your fried chicken could kill me. Is it time I start caring that more people don't care?
Monday, April 02, 2012 at 9:25 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: 100% cried to 'Wild Horses' on plane while thinking about 'Fear' scene where Witherspoon gets fingerbanged by Wahlberg on a rollercoaster :(
Sunday, April 01, 2012 at 11:28 AM
-
Chris Mc Dougall: Better luck tomoro. 54 of us searched today,plus dogs,planes, horses, choppers, and still no sign of caballo. Baffling.
Saturday, March 31, 2012 at 12:39 AM
-
Mark Rennie: @plain_lo Or you could come to a fun improv show at 11pm at the Tres Stages at Sunset and La Brea. Or read your DUMB book. Whatever.
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 9:18 PM
-
Lo: ...might be too lazy for a soak tonight. just want book/bed.
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 9:15 PM
-
Hunkey Dunnels: Moonshine is too romantic of a name for a liquid that could substitute gasoline in a survival scenario.
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 11:33 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: that is a good bedtime story to tell your children, btw
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 10:46 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: and then the designers of the Beetle Turbo and the PT Cruiser held hands and cried about being massive failures
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 10:45 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: And humanity was like “I will never respect you VW Beetle.”
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 10:43 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: The VW Beetle Turbo designers were like "If we make this look more like a Porsche, maybe people will finally respect it."
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 10:43 AM
-
Allison Osborn: It weirds me out that I'm older than Lady Gaga.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 at 8:54 PM
-
Cameron Adams: If you can't be bothered looking out the window, these 3d-CSS clouds are the next best thing http://t.co/mNhNzQAG
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 12:01 PM
-
Tara Long: suppose god really WAS one of us, and i just saw him taking a dump on a dog at 16th and mission. what exactly is my recourse here?
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 8:22 PM
-
N8duke: Our plane got hit by lightning coming into salt lake. It was absolutely horrifying to hear an explosion & see sparks shoot out of the engine
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 8:06 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: I would tell him to leave but he seems to be thriving.
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 10:56 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: This spider walking around my room is all business.
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 10:55 PM
-
Eli Duke: @akstrahan Then my work here is done. :)
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 7:53 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: @eliduke haha Eli!! You're making me blush 😊
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 9:50 PM
-
Eli Duke: @akstrahan I know. That's what turns me on about you. ;)
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 7:48 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: @eliduke haha thanks! This is just what I do on a daily basis.
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 9:36 PM
-
Eli Duke: @akstrahan You are hilarious on so many levels. Thank you. :)
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 7:34 PM
-
Ashley Strahan: My cat and I are chillen in my bed making up songs about catnip. So far the lyrics are pretty stupid but we're having a great time.
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 9:32 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Ths betch on FoodNetwrk has 13 burners going &evrythng she's cooking is for 1meal. This is y men have unreasonble expctations in the kitchn.
Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 10:33 AM
-
Unsk: Winds on the planet Saturn have been recorded at over 1000mph. Eat shit Jupiter
Saturday, March 24, 2012 at 12:28 PM
-
Now I'm Worried: Now I'm worried that if I lay in a hammock and move an inch it will toss me onto the ground like a pancake.
Saturday, March 24, 2012 at 8:23 AM
-
Unsk: With all of these amazing shows about science and the universe,why don't more people watch them? #hooked
Saturday, March 24, 2012 at 12:14 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: I might not know u personally but if u wear a visor NOT ironically, I already know everything I need to know about you... And it's not good.
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 9:05 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Watching America's Most Wanted & I think I've seen all of these fugitives. I'm definitely not paranoid. I'm just well connected.
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 8:16 PM
-
Unsk: @eliduke who are you? Patrick Bateman?
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 7:45 PM
-
Laura Buttery: Birds are taking turns taking baths in a puddle in our driveway. It's cute! Probly the only cute thing they do besides be babies.
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 4:32 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Probably should've deleted the word "polygamist" in my Google search bar BEFORE my boss walked over.
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 4:48 PM
-
Unsk: Dream it you fuckin dreamers!
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 4:12 PM
-
Mark Rennie: Listening to Smashing Pumpkins 'ADORE' for the first time in years! So good....kinda long though...next song is 8 min?!?! UGH. I hate it!
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 12:33 PM
-
Ben Pruce: Nothing saddens me more than hearing law students argue the merit of proper citing of sources. If they can pass the bar, its far too low.
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 2:21 PM
-
Harris Wittels: New invention: "Opposite Sweetener." when something's too sweet, add it, de-sweetens it. (granulated bitterness)
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 11:18 AM
-
Allison Osborn: I become aware of my maturity level when I giggle at things like "two cup item" being the crossword clue for "bra"
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 1:02 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: "@eliduke: AcroYoga is so hot. http://t.co/PzO8kWNa". So rad!
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 8:01 AM
-
Gosia Pastusiak: When Jeff stayed last I couldn't figure out what towel he used after a shower. Turns out he thought I left him my HAND towel to use.
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 11:36 PM
-
Allison Osborn: "you won't eat candy but you picked up a bag of Funions?" - @RealMikeyOsborn
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 10:04 PM
-
Mark Rennie: If the TMNT creators sign off on Michael Bay's take, that's good enough for me. After all, they are MASTERS OF STORYTELLING.
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 4:40 PM
-
Lady: The only person you should be depending on is yourself.
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 7:02 PM
-
Hipster Runoff: It's easy 2 4get sometimes, but the city will ALWAYS be my church.
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 4:51 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: "Cat allergies" are a myth made up by the men who won't hold me.
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 3:49 PM
-
Iangphillips: The people next to me are discussing what humanity was like "when we lived with the dinosaurs." We were smaller, apparently.
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 4:35 PM
-
Dave Zirin: So the US Congress wants to investigate bounties and violence in the NFL? Glass houses, peoples. Bring the troops home first.
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 4:16 PM
-
Harris Wittels: STOP PUTTING BACON IN EVERYTHING!!! He was fine in Footloose, but enough already!
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 10:23 AM
-
Kelly Oxford: Celebrities reading their mean Twitter @ replies on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
http://t.co/XO0YV6if
Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 11:09 AM
-
Morgen Myrdal: when just looking at a photo of the guy you're hooking up with makes you jealous of the hypothetical, well maybe he's just too damn sexy.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 9:20 PM
-
Nikita : let them figure it out i don't care why it doesn't matter
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 9:45 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: I have been offered a kitten. This could be disastrous.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 7:29 PM
-
Allison Osborn: I wonder what it would be like to spend your life smelling like a beer spilled inside of an ashtray.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 6:11 PM
-
Unsk: I know her!!! RT @eliduke: Portland is so wet right now.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 5:03 PM
-
Mcrashelle: Thank you @eliduke! I love these! http://t.co/hPXsy1R
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 at 5:41 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: Just saw a super husky tatted skinhead dude in a kilt & a tshirt that said "meat is murder"- Honestly never been more confused in my life.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 at 8:36 PM
-
Danielle Gee: Okay, that's enough from both of you http://t.co/wBxHXeak
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 at 1:43 PM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: I just hope Tim Tebow is ok w/ all of this news. I wonder what he is doing right now. Definitely not sex.
Monday, March 19, 2012 at 5:23 PM
-
Eli Duke: @brke Thanks for the nickel, Sugar Mama. ;)
Monday, March 19, 2012 at 10:09 AM
-
Kathryn Elizabeth: "Hello Sunshine" - Gap's email subject line this morning. When did I start dating Gap? Why am I crying right now?
Monday, March 19, 2012 at 10:33 AM
-
Brooke Graham: Next time I'm gonna refer to them as my "make out buddy"
Sunday, March 18, 2012 at 9:10 PM
-
Hunkey Dunnels: Ended my Sunday evening by finally beating this three months later. http://t.co/5zfPHSX
Sunday, March 18, 2012 at 11:38 PM
-
Jenny Slate: top dresser drawer in my old room:found an apology letter from an old bf.He was SO sorry&scared. What did he do?!i cant remember.u r 4given?
Monday, March 19, 2012 at 3:06 AM
-
Christopher Conley: Hippy! “@OMGFacts: Francis Crick was high on LSD when he deduced the double helix structure of DNA! Details --> http://t.co/U4uJHtNN”
Sunday, March 18, 2012 at 6:12 PM
-
Nikita : i forget what it's called when you work late then work early in the morning because i've been doing that too much lately
Sunday, March 18, 2012 at 6:28 AM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: This man at the bar asked if he should call me in the AM or just nudge me. I said: cats!
Saturday, March 17, 2012 at 7:09 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: today i saw my manager/boytoy almost get beat up by some inebriated assholes. i felt the girly, irrational urge to try to help. #stpattysday
Saturday, March 17, 2012 at 4:49 PM
-
Sarah Beattie: women sure love never chilling the fuck out
Saturday, March 17, 2012 at 12:15 PM
-
Elise Worthy: Film by Aphex Twin just came on. Such a good throwback song and so, so perfect for hacking.
Friday, March 16, 2012 at 11:19 AM
-
John Fugelsang: Never get married just to please your parents. That's for Gay Republicans.
Friday, March 16, 2012 at 9:40 AM
-
Brooke Graham: Is it gross that I found a cookie in my bathroom? How bout the fact that I ate it?
Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 8:47 PM
-
Unsk: Joo play yazz flute for us?!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012 at 9:43 PM
-
Sammy: Do you think butterflies have lower wing tattoos of white chicks?
Wednesday, March 14, 2012 at 9:26 PM
-
Kyle Kinane: If your neck tattoo says anything other than "Big Tits, Hot Dogs, and Rock and Roll," you've made a huge mistake with your life.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012 at 2:40 PM
-
Jenny Slate: So, like, nothing bad happens if you just eat dirt, right? Like if you just ate dirt? Like side effects or anything pretty bad?
Wednesday, March 14, 2012 at 5:36 PM
-
Kelly Oxford: Ashton Kutcher is gross but I'd be really upset if we met and he didn't try to fuck me.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012 at 11:17 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: Just saw a bunch of undercover cops tackle and handcuff 2 drug dealers outside of a pizza joint. #goosenecking
Tuesday, March 13, 2012 at 4:08 PM
-
Rob Huebel: 'Thin Mints' are a lie. They don't work. Girl Scouts made me a fatty so they can feel superior about their own weirdo, pre-teen bodies.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012 at 1:31 PM
-
Tim Siedell: Sorry I'm two hours late for work but I was trying to open a Toaster Strudel icing packet with wet hands.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012 at 10:38 AM
-
Harris Wittels: Ya never see half-blown AIDS.
Monday, March 12, 2012 at 6:27 PM
-
Shane Becker: Robin & @jessicaspacekat are vanning from SF to @Farmhouse Conf. Are you funny enough to make Robin laugh until she cries?
No riff raff.
Sunday, March 11, 2012 at 2:00 PM
-
Allison Osborn: How can we do the word "fart doctor" without the word fart?
Saturday, March 10, 2012 at 1:53 AM
-
Hrrrthrrr: Trying to talk my roommate into buying a mini cooper with me so that we can name them Winnie and Kevin.
Friday, March 09, 2012 at 2:34 PM
-
Mark Rennie: If you have to leave your computer with The Geek Squad, do they give you loaner pornography?
Wednesday, March 07, 2012 at 5:31 PM
-
Shit Girls Say: I feel like I should say something.
Wednesday, March 07, 2012 at 7:50 PM
-
Shit Girls Say: Should I say something?
Wednesday, March 07, 2012 at 7:50 PM
-
Aj Foster: The Idler Wheel is wiser than the Driver of the Screw, and Whipping Cords will serve you more than Ropes will ever do.
Wednesday, March 07, 2012 at 3:10 PM
-
Chris Grunder: I've always loved the crystals in plane windows http://t.co/MJoF35WR
Tuesday, March 06, 2012 at 7:57 PM
-
Unsk: Inspired by my friends seeing the pan-fucking-tera cello group, I haven't stopped listening to them since Saturday.my neck is sore #phil
Monday, February 27, 2012 at 10:15 PM
-
Billy Madison: Well, that makes two of us, then, baby, but it takes more than two to tango. Or somethin' like that.
Sunday, February 26, 2012 at 10:49 AM
-
My Kid Told Me So: Bub: Boo! Boo?! Boo: Yeah? Bub: When I'm done pooping, can you punch me in the face? Boo: Uh, yeah...
Sunday, February 26, 2012 at 12:29 AM
-
Now I'm Worried: Now I’m worried about being honked at because I’m afraid to make rights on reds in the rain.
Friday, February 24, 2012 at 5:38 PM
-
Now I'm Worried: Now I’m worried because if my pill cutter is slightly off I could have too little Celebrex or a little too much Celebrex.
Friday, February 24, 2012 at 3:42 PM
-
Mcrashelle: @eliduke guess what!!!!!
@worstdukeever & I have TWIN lurv-handelz. Oh gawd.
Friday, February 24, 2012 at 1:47 AM
-
Nikita : rule: let him know that you know that he knows that you know.
Monday, February 20, 2012 at 1:07 AM
-
Gosia Pastusiak: After dinner we did cake/presents/champagne. Also talked about how awful almost pooping your pants is.
Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 8:26 PM
-
Morgen Myrdal: i messed up. #feelings.
Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 6:36 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: Does my arm fat make my arm look fat?
Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 4:22 PM
-
Ali Phillips Coleman: Headed to the bank today to talk about refinancing our house. Good thing I'm a little hungover or else it'd be a bit too adult for comfort.
Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 1:04 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: I have the WORST song stuck in my head... wait, no, it's actually just an image of me riding a tandem bicycle by myself. Felt like music.
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 5:56 PM
-
Billy Madison: I disagree, it's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 4:29 PM
-
Jenny Slate: PS: that last tweet was preceeded by me asking @gabeliedman "Can u take a pic of me talking on my banana? I have a tweet."
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 7:15 PM
-
Jenny Slate: I'm so busy that I have to take my morning calls in my gym clothes DURING breakfast. http://t.co/sOlYmcvb
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 7:13 PM
-
Lauren Caltagirone: My landlady doesn't know I have a cat, but my CAT doesn't know I have a LANDLADY, so...
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 7:54 AM
Hey! Where'd all the tweets go? Click here to see them all, but it's gonna take a sec...